Gitana's Corner

I went dancing last night...

2011-10-12T03:56:00.000-04:00

On the wall of my basement workshop hangs a framed poster touting a performance headlined by Orquesta Aragon, a well known Cuban music group. My husband has had this poster for over 25 years as a reminder of an enjoyable concert he attended during his bachelor days. When he discovered that this group was brought into New York from Havana for a one-night-only performance, he was all over it. The ad for the performance said, "Bring your dancing shoes." With our marching orders firmly in hand, we headed into Manhattan for a 10 PM show.

The Metropolitan Pavilion on West 18th Street provided a perfect venue with great sound, good lighting and plenty of room to dance comfortably. The crowd was an eclectic mix of Latin music enthusiasts that included a fair number of dance school students eager to practice their Latin social dancing skills to live music, as well as old school Cubans dressed in spats, fedoras and guayabera shirts. (What I thankfully didn't see were dance studio instructors showing off their best "Dancing with the Stars" moves.) The music reminded me of the sounds I used to hear coming from our record player when I was a child.

What I noticed most was my husband who seemed to be totally relaxed and in his element. This is the man I remember from our courtship days, the man who enjoyed sharing a good time with his lady, certainly not the tired and dour individual who comes home from work and parks himself in front of the television and grunts occasionally by way of conversation. He kept me on the dance floor for the entire, albeit short, duration of the performance (only an hour and a half), brought drinks to the table in between songs and just enjoyed himself thoroughly. He even proposed a toast to the beginning of our anniversary celebration.

Our anniversary falls on Hallowe'en day, Oct. 31 and this year will mark our silver wedding anniversary. After so many years together, going through the ups and downs of life with the same person, it is easy to become jaded. Tonight I caught a fleeting glimpse of the man I married. If I can get him off the sofa and into the dance hall once in a while, maybe I can get to see that man more often. And maybe, just maybe, I can see myself sticking around for the next 25 years.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Too Much Time...

2011-07-11T02:18:00.000-04:00

(Click on photo to view a larger image.)

I'm not even going to attempt to play catch up with the events of the last six months.There's far too much to remember so I'll start with the most recent events. Last Sunday, July 3, 2011, three of my father's siblings gathered at his house: his oldest sister, Iris and her daughter Joann, His brother Manuel and youngest sister Gladys and her husband Sammy. Of them, Iris was the one who drew my attention the most because I hadn't seen her in over 30 years. As a result none of my children ever met her and I didn't remember my cousin Joann at all. Manuel and Gladys have been to my father's several times in the past few years so I've been able to catch up with them. Since Gladys lives in Florida and Iris lives in Tennessee, it's not likely they will be able to get together very frequently in the future so I took this opportunity to gather some genealogical information for my family tree.

Out came the old photo albums, the reminiscences, the laughter and the inevitable difference of opinion as to how things really happened way back when. My son and nephews were pretty much out of the loop since the events being discussed occurred close to 50 years ago but I'm glad they were there to share the moment. I remembered to bring my camera and tripod and managed to snap this family portrait to commemorate the moment. I have no doubt that this will become one of those treasured images in the years to come.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

New York's Christmas Blizzard 2010

2011-01-05T01:44:00.001-05:00

(Click on any photo for a larger image.)

On Sunday, December 26, 2010, a blizzard hit New York City and the surrounding areas with a fury, dumping up to two feet of snow in some areas and packing winds that were close to category 1 hurricane speeds. Snowdrifts of five to six feet were commonplace and the entire city was brought to a standstill. The city's response to the clean-up effort was dismal, leaving hundreds of streets unplowed for days, trapping thousands of people in their homes and leaving untold numbers of cars stranded on city streets. It was a major mess.

On my block there were two cars abandoned dead in the middle of the street. You can see them here in the top photo. My house also happens to be dead in the middle of the block. The area of cleared snow in the foreground is my driveway. Fortunately for me, although those two cars were left within inches of my driveway, they did not block it. Unfortunately for me, those two cars also meant that snowplows could not get through so my street remained unplowed for days until the owners extricated their vehicles. During that time an interesting thing happened two days after the storm hit. A Verizon truck driver, seeking to return to his home base which is located at the end of my block, chose to try squeezing his truck in between one abandoned car and a car parked on the opposite side of the street rather than going around the block. He was successful only in hitting the parked car and immediately getting stuck in the snow. After nearly two hours of trying to free his truck, he called for help and another Verizon truck showed up...which proceeded to immediately get stuck also. A third truck was called in. Yep, you guessed it. It also got stuck. The vehicle count is now two abandoned cars and three Verizon trucks stuck in the snow outside my front door. It took a fourth truck to finally bring this charade to an end more than four hours after the first truck was stuck. In the bottom photo you can see two trucks in the near and middle distance and the lights of the fourth truck arriving in the far distance to the left. The center photo shows the the first truck to the far right. It had been pulled away from the parked car at this point but was trapped behind the two other stuck trucks. Can't make this stuff up, folks. I lack sufficient imagination.

The storm also brought quite a bit of anxiety to my family when we found out that my mother had slipped on the front steps of her house and injured her ankle. The snow conditions prevented my folks from leaving to seek medical attention and prevented an ambulance from making it over to them. When all was said and done, it was eight days before my mother's ankle was examined and x-rayed. The verdict: the ankle is broken and has been set in a cast. Fortunately the break was not a bad one but any bone break for a septuagenarian is cause for concern. She'll be in a cast for about six weeks and has been given strict orders not to place any weight on the foot. The weather forecast promises more snow for this weekend. I've got fingers and toes crossed that we only get a light dusting this time. Another storm would....I don't even want to think about it.

You can see some more photos of the storm's aftermath in my Photobucket album: http://s184.photobucket.com/albums/x174/Gypsiwoman/Blizzard%20of%20December%202010/

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

A Once in Lifetime Experience

2010-12-21T03:47:00.003-05:00

Today, December 21, 2010, marks a rare and beautiful natural convergence. On this day of the winter solstice, the longest and darkest night of the year, there occurred a full lunar eclipse beginning at approximately 2:00 AM. According to NASA, the last time the winter solstice and a lunar eclipse occurred simultaneously was about 372 years ago. The next such occurrence is scheduled for Dec. 21, 2094. Since I don't expect to be around in 2094, I braved the frigid temperatures outdoors and watched the eclipse in real time with my son until it reached totality. Then we retreated indoors to thaw out.

The winter solstice marks the end of long dark nights and heralds the coming of longer days and more light. From a numerological perspective, today's date, 12-21-2010 is a triple 3 day (1+2=3, 2+1=3, 2+0+1+0=3) which equals 9, the number of endings, of letting go of the old and preparing to embrace the new. It brings forth the opportunity to end those behaviors that are not life affirming and which prevent you from achieving your full purpose and potential.

Whether you subscribe to esoteric philosophy or not, may this winter solstice full moon lunar eclipse be the beginning of a bright and wonderful future for you.

(For more information on the lunar eclipse click here for an article that includes the image you see above.)

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Of Milestone Events and Empty Nests

2010-11-29T02:13:00.001-05:00

The two youngest of my three children experienced milestone birthdays this year. My son turned 21 last month and my daughter turned 18 this past weekend. They are both in college and, hopefully, are on their way to fulfilling adult lives. With my daughter away at college and my son out of the house much of the time, I am experiencing the prelude to an empty nest. There is less laundry to do, less dishes to wash, less noise and more food left in my refrigerator. (Contrarily the house is not in less need of upkeep. Hmm, why is that, I wonder?) There are times when I miss them being around. Then I think of the free time I have available to me now that they're not around as much and realize how much I'm enjoying it.

Empty nest? Bring it on.

Ballo ergo sum, - Gitana, the Creative Diva

A Major Gripe with Blogspot

2010-10-09T22:21:00.000-04:00

FULL DISCLOSURE - THE FOLLOWING IS A GRIPE SESSION.

Am I the only one who has major problems with the editing functions of Blogspot? It seems that no matter how hard I try, creating a post with images is an exercise in frustration. Even basic text posting is a challenge. I type a paragraph, double space to create a new paragraph, add some photos then check my work with the Preview function only to find that my images are all over the place and my text is scrolling into the spaces between the photos. To add insult to injury, when I tweak everything so it appears somewhat normal in the preview mode and publish the post, the final output doesn't look anything like it did in the preview mode. So what good is a preview if it doesn't give you an accurate image of the final product.

I'm so through with the frustrations of Blogspot that I may look around for an alternate blog host. Then I've got to change all my links and business cards to reflect the new address. Ugh, just the thought of it makes me tired.

Does anyone else use Blogspot? If so, what has your experience been like? Please leave me a comment and let me know. Thanks.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Confessions of a Reluctant Cook

2010-09-19T23:48:00.003-04:00

I admit it. I would rather not cook. It's not that I'm a bad cook -- I'm actually pretty decent. It's just that I would prefer to have someone call me to a delicious meal than to be the one doing the calling. From time to time, however, I am inspired to try my culinary hand at something I've never done before. This week that inspiration came from another blog, that of my friend, Ben, author of Kissing the Cook, specifically his wonderful ravioli recipe. I decided that I was going to try my hand at making homemade ravioli with a homemade filling. I learned a few things in the process.

Lesson #1: It always takes longer than you think it will. I'll cut to the chase. I started at 5PM. We ate at 9PM.
Lesson #2: Small ravioli are harder to make than large ravioli. The smaller the ravioli, the messier it is to stuff and seal.
Lesson #3: If you're going to cook something you've never made before, don't split your attention by trying to make meat sauce for a lasagna at the same time. When you do that, it takes longer to complete your project. (Refer to Lesson #1.)

Ok, so on to the ravioli. I used half all purpose flour and half whole wheat flour, which made the dough a little harder to knead and roll. (Lesson #4 - Forget the whole wheat flour, and Lesson #5 - get a better rolling pin.) It resulted in ravioli with thicker pasta than I would have liked and required longer to cook. In spite of the chewiness, the ravioli was tasty enough to convince me (and my family) to try it again. I liked the filling enough to double the recipe and use it in my lasagna the following day. And if my next attempt at ravioli is successful, I'm going to start experimenting with different fillings. Of course, there's always the possibility that I'll hit the lottery, become fabulously wealthy and hire an Italian cook to prepare my meals for me. In the meantime, I'll keep looking to my friend, Ben, the cook for occasional inspiration of the culinary kind to keep me motivated in the kitchen.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Digging My Way Out

2010-09-03T00:14:00.000-04:00

I'm dog tired, exhausted from all the work I've been doing around the house for the past week or so. I've gotten myself into a frenzy of cleaning and purging my personal spaces of a lot of the crap I have accumulated over the years and held on to "just in case". Nothing more has been accomplished other than filling my home to the point where I'm uncomfortable. I am to blame for much of it as I am an incorrigible pack rat, loathe to throw anything out that may be useful. The rest I blame on my family. They, too, are pack rats however they do not share my saving grace of actually cleaning and clearing once in a while. They just accumulate endlessly and seem to be very happy wallowing in their own mess.

My house has been whispering in my ear. (No, wait, not whispering...it was more like a clarion call but, since it was directed at my deaf ear, I perceived it as a whisper.) It's been telling me, "It's time to let go and move on", and so that is exactly what I've been doing, slowly and methodically. I began in my bedroom, a place I don't usually spend a lot of time in. My bedroom exists to house my clothes, jewelry and bed. I don't live in there, I just sleep in there, so consequently it gets neglected in the housekeeping department. I didn't realize exactly HOW neglected it was until I started moving stuff around to clean and I have to admit I was embarrassed by how long I had let things go. I began the cleanup with my dresser then I progressed around the room in a counterclockwise manner, cleaning specific sections over a number of days. Yes, I said days, it was THAT bad. Yesterday and today marked major milestones; I washed the blinds and cleared out my husband's night table and corner of the room. I knew I had made a major dent when he came to me after having entered the bedroom and said, "What happened?" The fact that he even noticed was the benchmark that I'd done some major damage.

The cleaning and clearing has not been confined to the bedroom. I've had my hand in nearly every room of the house, doing a little bit here, a little there, and getting into long overlooked nooks and crannies. There's an immediate payoff to these activities...I can breathe easier. It feels as if the air is fresher and as if there is more light in the room. I've also been doing the very same thing in my garden, clearing out a very thick stand of blackeyed susans in anticipation of next year's growing season. I plan on shifting my focus from flowers to food crops next year and I want to devote more of my garden space to that. I'll talk more about that in my garden blog.

The biggest challenge that I have yet to face is my craft workshop. It is literally filled to bursting and I am going to have to do some serious purging there. Yet, I am determined to slay the dragons of disorder one at a time, slowly and methodically, until I free myself from this self-imposed prison of "stuff". There is a vision in my head of what I want to achieve and as long as I keep that vision firmly in my sights, I can do nothing but achieve that goal. There is no doubt in my mind that when I achieve my goal, I will realize that I didn't really need all that stuff to begin with. Getting rid of it isn't the hard part...keeping it out, now THAT is the hard part.

Wish me luck. And pass me the dustcloth, will ya?

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Joy and Sorrow

2010-08-12T16:48:00.000-04:00

In the three weeks since my last post so much has happened that it is difficult to fit in all in the body of this post. If you have been following me for any length of time, you already know that I have been experiencing an incredible run of good fortune surrounding my crafting. (See my artist blog, The Creative Diva, to read all about it.) This series of events has gotten me some recognition for the creative work that I do and allowed me to work from home with financial compensation. As the winner of a sweepstakes sponsored by A.C. Moore, I received an all-expenses paid trip for two to attend the Craft and Hobby Association Craft Supershow in Chicago, a mecca for all things craft-related. With my sister as my guest, we were treated like visiting royalty from July 28 to July 31 while in Illinois. As if the trip were not enough, while at the show I won several drawings and a craft challenge for yet more prizes. My sister and I laughed and smiled the whole time we were in Chicago. It was a heady and joyful experience.

I returned home on Saturday, July 31 and checked my email to find a message from my oldest and dearest in the world, Art Zaballero. He and I had communicated several times in the week prior to my departure and he had sent me a message wishing me a good trip and expressing his desire to get together with me after my return. On Sunday afternoon, my caller ID identified an incoming call as being from Art but it was his wife instead, calling to inform me that Art had died of a massive heart attack only hours before. In that split second, all of the euphoria I had been experiencing up until that moment evaporated, vanished with the realization that I had lost one of the most precious things in my life. My friendship with Art spanned nearly 50 years, from the time we were young children. To describe the nature of our relationship would require far more space than is available on this blog. Let's just say we had transcended the limits of friendship and had become each other's sibling. He was my family and I was his. As far as I was concerned, I had lost my brother.

If the week prior to the funeral was surreal, the wake and funeral ceremonies were a wake up call. You've no doubt heard it before but I'll say it again. Life is short; make the most of it everyday. I've been on that path for a while and I'm not going to slow down now. If anything, I'm going to press on, living and loving every golden moment as much as possible. That's what Art's death has taught me...to live every day as if it were my last.

Ok, Arty, I've got it.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

A Good Day

2010-07-22T23:25:00.005-04:00

Today was a bit of a departure for me in a few ways. First of all, I had a lunch date with a friend and former classmate from my graduate school days, someone I haven't seen in quite a while. After making sure my garden was well watered, I showered and dressed to meet her. I chose to wear white, one of my favorite summer colors and one that, in spite of its association with purity, makes me feel very sexy. That's another way today was different...I felt sexy, something I haven't felt for too long a time. I felt it and it showed.

I traveled into Manhattan to meet my friend and we had lunch at a hidden little Spanish restaurant on 14th Street. It was truly a jewel filled with old world ambiance and good food. It felt like stepping into a different world for the time we were in there. As we were leaving, we noticed a sign saying the place had been established in 1868. We were incredulous and curious so we turned around and went back inside to inquire. The owner himself answered our questions but what was remarkable was what came afterwards. After his explanation, he introduced himself to me pointedly to which I responded with my own introduction and shook his hand. He commented on my beautiful name and lovely earrings and held my hand for just a touch longer than was necessary. The old bird was flirting with me!!

I am so out of touch with the whole mating scene that I was taken by surprise. When my girlfriend and I left the restaurant, we were talking about it and she said, "We're getting up there in age. Take your compliments where you find them. Let the old man flirt. It's okay." You know, she's right. Let the man flirt. Even better, let me enjoy that I'm being flirted with. I guess if I'm not too old to feel sexy, I'm not to old to be flirted with or to enjoy it.

I spent the rest of the afternoon walking around a paper specialty store, looking at the beautiful imported and handmade papers available there. Then I came home to my family, my dog and a dinner that needed cooking. My sexy day was over but the memories still lingered.

On another front, my husband, who had been laid off on Memorial Day weekend, came home with some great news. He had interviewed a week ago with a local employer and today he filled out the necessary paperwork to become its newest employee. I don't have to tell you in this economy how great this news is. I told him we should celebrate.

Hmmm, maybe my sexy day isn't over just yet. :)

Ballo ergo sum,- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Time to Catch Up.

2010-07-14T17:05:00.007-04:00

I have been crazy busy since my last post. As I mentioned then, I was creating paper flower arrangements for my daughter's high school's graduation ceremony. In the midst of that, several other projects came up. You can read about them and see some pictures here in my artist blog. Seems I've been running on a treadmill, expending a lot of energy yet staying in the same spot. Since the spot I'm staying in is home, I don't have a problem with that.

My newly graduated daughter has moved to North Carolina to live with my older daughter and her family and will be attending a nearby college there. The quiet in my house since her departure has been downright deafening and I'm still getting accustomed to the lessened workload in laundry, cooking, dishes, etc. Less work, more quiet...I can used to this.

In the middle of all my activity is my husband's inactivity, an inactivity that stems from his having been laid off on Memorial Day weekend. Yes, we have become part of the latest statistics in this bad economy. Perhaps inactivity is not the proper word to use here because the fact is that he has been hard at work looking for another job since his feet hit the ground but the market in his field, electrical construction, is very soft and jobs at his level are not to be found. We're holding our own for the present time but that may be short lived. Now we have two children in college and no income. This is not a pretty picture. I guess my flurry of income producing activities couldn't have come at a better time.

To be continued...

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Oh My! How Time Has Flown!!

2010-05-25T22:48:00.006-04:00

I just read the date on my last blog update and realized I haven't written a post since early February when I decided to volunteer at a local senior citizen's center. Now, four months later, I have become a fixture at the center where I not only run an hour long crafts session once a week but also stick around to do many of the organizational tasks that the director and her small staff can't get around to. I have spent untold hours cleaning, clearing and organizing the crafts cabinet and storage closets and discovered lots of great materials that were being neglected simply because no one knew what was there or how to find it. The director and I have made several visits to Materials for the Arts, a organization that collects donations from private donors and commercial concerns and makes them available to non-profit groups, schools and theater companies. We have been able to score some great finds there that have been put to good use as crafts materials, office supplies, and storage. In short, I've been having a great time putting my organizational and creative skills to use in an environment where I am welcomed and appreciated. You can see the projects I have completed to date with the seniors at my artist blog, The Creative Diva.

As if I needed something else to do, I am also volunteering to decorate the auditorium of my daughter's high school for it's very first graduating class of which my daughter is a part. The mission of the school is that of environmental responsibility and sustainability so all elements of the celebration must be eco-friendly. To that end I am making paper flowers out of used and recyclable paper with which to create floral arrangements to decorate the front of the stage. Of course I've never done this before so I'm dead in the middle of a steep learning curve but so be it. When the flowers are done I'll be posting photos on my artist blog so I hope you'll come over to check them out.

After my daughter graduates, she'll be attending college in North Carolina and will be leaving sometime in July to get settled into her new role as an adult. In the meantime I will be settling into my role as a mother hen with one less chick and I'm looking forward to the quiet in my chicken coop.

Another news-worthy occurrence since my last post is that my son returned to college after a few years of not knowing quite what to do with himself. His first attempt was not successful because he frankly didn't want to go to school. After dropping out, going to work, getting laid off and spending a long time unemployed, he finally decided he was ready to take another stab at college. I'm happy to say that he seems much more settled and comfortable this time around and I hold great hopes for his success. In due time he, too, will be leaving the nest whereupon this old bird will be doing the empty nest happy dance. Oh yes, I'm looking forward to an empty nest in spite of everyone telling me otherwise. I've lived the last 30 years mindful of my responsibility to the needs of others. I'm ready to finally live for myself. But until my nest is completely empty, I still have to contend with the droppings.

Somebody, hand me a shovel, will ya?

Ballo ergo sum,- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Something Else To Do

2010-01-24T02:44:00.008-05:00

Since I'm at home most of the time, I've been feeling a bit isolated and out of touch and I knew that I had to get myself out of the house and in contact with people. But because of health issues that seem to crop up at the most inconvenient times, I didn't want to commit myself to anything that would require a fixed time commitment like a part time job. My husband, who knows I'm a sucker for volunteering to do things for others, found a little article in the newspaper touting NYC Service, a website sponsored and maintained by New York City that contains listings of volunteer opportunities all over the five boroughs. I checked it out, created a profile and searched the available volunteer opportunities to see if any struck my fancy. I came across an opportunity for a crafts instructor at a local senior citizen's center and sent an email to indicate my interest.

Fast forward to the present. I met with the center director who gave me a quick tour of the facility and showed me the kind of materials available for use. I have never worked with seniors before. Some of the members have visual impairments (blindness, macular degeneration)and/or mobility limitations (arthritis, etc.) that impose restrictions on the types of activities they can participate in and I have no experience whatsoever in dealing with limitations of any kind. Furthermore the available craft materials left much to be desired with respect to the type of crafting I have been doing of late.

In spite of it all, I am inclined to accept this opportunity. I have learned that the process of working through challenges and pushing one's limits is the quickest path to releasing one's creativity and inner talents. I've been scrounging the internet and tapping my crafting buddies for projects and ideas suitable for seniors and am scheduled to revisit the center in order to observe the crafts class that is currently running to see if that will give me any ideas. I haven't even told the director that I'm in yet and I'm already planning my next move.

To be continued...

UPDATE: February 2, 2010 - I have visited the senior center again, this time to observe the crafts class and talk with some of the members to get an idea of what they would like do in terms of crafting. I came home with some of the center's crafts materials so I could start creating projects to do with the seniors and am scheduled to conduct my first crafts class with them at the end of this week. Okay, so I've jumped in with both feet. Hope this swimming hole isn't too deep.

Check out my artist blog, The Creative Diva, to see the project I'll be doing with the seniors this week.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Dad's Home

2010-01-20T00:24:00.002-05:00

Last week my father was rushed to emergency with chest pains. Under normal circumstances this is not good news. When you consider that he underwent an angiogram in July that resulted in having a stent placed in order to open up a nearly blocked artery, such a scenario is downright scary. The good news is that he is back home and doing well. After an overnight stay in the hospital, he underwent yet another angiogram that confirmed his blood vessels were all clear. It was determined (which means the doctor's best guess is) that the chest pains were caused by my father stopping his medication regimen. He did so because the medicine was making him sick but the result was a trip to the hospital. He has been placed back on the medication regimen but this time at a lower dosage in an attempt to curb or eliminate the adverse effects he was experiencing.

My parents are in their mid-70's. They are relatively active and fairly healthy but they have slowed down considerably. This makes me sad. It places their mortality and my own squarely in my face. I have become acutely aware of the passage of time or, more precisely, the dwindling of our time remaining.

I need to stop here before I break down and cry.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

An Emotional Day

2010-01-15T01:42:00.005-05:00

I received very disturbing news today. My mother called to tell me she was taking my father to the emergency room because of chest pains. My dad had an angiogram at the end of July and had a stent placed in one of his arteries. He hasn't been quite the same since, suffering from pains in his upper joints, back, neck and chest. The aspirin regimen he was on for his heart condition caused an ulcer. He's been given so many medications that they were negatively interacting and he felt worse. I could go on.

It seems to me that he has gone from strong and robust to frail and frightened overnight but if I examine my heart of hearts I know the truth. I have chosen not to see time marching across his handsome face. I have chosen not to notice the once herculean physique dwindle and the twinkle in his eyes fade. He always seemed like a big man to me but I realize now that it was because, in my eyes, he was a little larger than life. Now life overshadows him and he seems small by comparison.

Dad's going to have to spend a few days in the hospital undergoing tests to see if his heart problem can be pinpointed and fixed. I strongly suspect that another angiogram is in his future. Who knows what else is in store for him. All I know is that Daddy is old and sick and there's nothing I can do to change it or make him better.

And I'm scared. Very, very scared.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

2010

2010-01-01T02:05:00.003-05:00

In the past two weeks since my angiogram, I completed all the obligatory preparations for Christmas including buying and wrapping gifts, trimming the tree and making a traditional holiday treat. I usually make bread pudding but this year I made coquito, which essentially amounts to Puerto Rican eggnog with a kick of rum. This recipe is so rich, just reading the list of ingredients is enough to stop your heart in its tracks. Four different milks, a dozen egg yolks, cinnamon, coconut cream, rum -- trust me, this drink is a heart attack in a bottle. Thankfully it's made only during the December holidays. Any more often than that would decimate our family population.

I had a family pot luck gathering on the day after Christmas and there was enough food to sink a battleship. Everyone ate to capacity, took home a doggy bag and there was still enough food left over that I didn't have to cook for the rest of the week. In fact I had my children's friends over one evening and there was more than enough to feed them (and you know how much teenagers can eat)! Family, food and coquito. Aaah, those are the holidays in my home.

In contrast to the hustle and bustle of Christmas, we brought in the new year very quietly at home. It was just my husband, my daughter and myself (oh yeah, and our beagle, Marla). My son was out with some friends. We toasted at midnight with some champagne and hugs and kisses all around. Then back to our solitary activities. It was very quiet.

The day didn't feel like a holiday. It felt like any other day of the week. But the clan is gathering at my uncle's house this afternoon to start the new year with the usual suspects...family and food, food, food. That's when it will feel like a holiday to me.

Happy New Year, everybody. The best of everything in 2010.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Post-procedure calm

2009-12-15T00:24:00.004-05:00

I have successfully weathered my first (and hopefully only) angiogram and am back home to report about it. Nothing remarkable was found but I have been placed on an aspirin regimen and must watch my cholesterol. Short story...I'm okay.

As planned, I did not sleep through the night, preferring to sleep at the hospital during and after the procedure. Time seemed to speed up as it neared the hour of my departure from home for the trip to the hospital. As expected, the travel took forever in the early morning hours and there were more people in the trains than I would have expected. Everything went smoothly and without a hitch once I arrived at the hospital, and in short order I found myself in the recovery room calling my husband for a pickup. I was even given a delicious tuna sandwich and some ginger ale to eat. Once I returned home, I picked up where I left off at the hospital, that is, I promptly went back to sleep and didn't wake up until many hours later when my son called me to announce dinner was servd. (Yes, my son cooks. I made sure of it. I'm no fool.) Dinner was delicious and afterwards I watched television with my children. It's not often my children cater to me and if being a "patient" is what it takes, I'm going to milk it to the hilt.

I'm glad this issue is over for the present. Now it's back to holiday madness for me. After all, there are still gifts to buy, presents to wrap, decorations to put up, etc., etc., etc.

Boy, it feels good to be back.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Pre-procedure Jitters

2009-12-14T01:46:00.004-05:00

My father's father died of a stroke in his eighties. My father's brother died of a heart attack in his forties. My father, in his mid seventies, recently underwent an angiogram where a blockage was discovered, removed, and a stent implanted. He, thankfully, is doing well and is under medical care so he can stay that way.

Several months ago I underwent a routine stress test. Routine, that is, until abnormal readings showed up. My primary physician, who is also a cardiac specialist, recommended I undergo an angiogram to see if there was anything going on in my heart that may be cause for concern. Before agreeing to this procedure I sought the opinion of two other cardiac specialists. Both said the same thing my doctor said...my test results were not critical and may turn out to be nothing at all but they also recommended an angiogram. Given the cardiac history on my father's side, this sounds like good advice.

I am scheduled to undergo the procedure later this morning. It is a relatively simple procedure that should take less than half an hour to perform and will require me to lie perfectly still for several hours afterwards to prevent any bleeding at the entry site. I witnessed my father successfully undergo this procedure and emerge as good if not better than new. And my doctor performs angiograms on a routine basis so I'm in good hands. But I'm scared. Scared to death. Scared to take this test and even more scared not to. Moreover I haven't told anyone about my trepidations so I'm carrying this alone. I specifically didn't tell my parents about this. I didn't want to worry them. Worse than that, I didn't want to have my mother twittering about, calling me up constantly to see how I'm doing, giving me endless advice, trying to be very helpful but annoying me to no end in the process. That would have stressed me out even more. No, better to keep this to myself. Only my husband, children and sister know about the angiogram but even they don't know I'm scared. Better that way.

It is now 2 AM. I won't be going to sleep tonight, preferring to stay up until it's time for me to go. I will leave at 4:30 AM to travel to the hospital by mass transit. During normal business hours this trip might take an hour or an hour and a quarter at best. At this unholy hour, when even the birds are still asleep and the trains are running at a snail's pace, I expect a much longer travel time. My husband will come to pick me up after my recovery period and bring me home where I fully intend to lay in bed and do a whole lot of nothing. At least that's the plan. Let's see how this all plays out.

To be continued...

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Some Words of Inspiration

2009-11-27T16:35:00.002-05:00

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. - Wayne Dyer

While perusing the myriad Black Friday ads that had been sent to my email box, I came across the above quote in an ad by a company that specializes in scrapbooking supplies. It had been placed in the Community section of the ad. It seemed rather odd to find this quote there since it apparently has no relevance to scrapbooking or sales in general so it grabbed my attention. I am familiar with Dr. Wayne Dyer as a motivational speaker and author of self-help books and am a fan of his philosophy. Seeing his quote on this ad gave me pause to give this vendor a second look. After all, if the vendor subscribes to the principles espoused by Wayne Dyer, maybe it's a good company to do business with.

Hmmm, maybe the quote does have some relevance to sales after all.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

A Great Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T01:19:00.002-05:00

I sit here in a post-Thanksgiving food coma, my stomach bulging and my mind reliving the great day I had today with my family.

I woke up late in the morning because I had gone to bed early in the morning...6:15 AM to be precise. I was up late writing blog entries and creating a card for my daughter's 17th birthday. The day I gave birth to her happened to be Thanksgiving day and this was the first time her birthday and the holiday fell on the same day in a long time so this Thanksgiving was extra-special.

She had prepared a list of things she wanted for her birthday, most of which concerned food. She wanted a special meal, she wanted her favorite treats, some funky socks and the latest books in the series she is reading. Between my sister and I, we managed to give her everything that was on her list and then some. My son surprised her with a red velvet cake, my mom made her special Jello mold, a family favorite and I ordered the gourmet Italian cookies that she (and I) love. There were desserts galore. My daughter felt very special and said that this birthday ranked among her top birthdays of all time.

The day was special for me, too, in a variety of ways. For one thing, I didn't have to stress over making a tremendous meal for a large number of people. I cooked just for the four of us. Getting the house ready for guests was not a frenzy of cleaning and polishing. Because I had been cleaning a little here and there over a few weeks, it was a matter of a little light dusting, a quick sweeping, a fresh set of towels and temporarily hiding the clutter. The best thing of all was that my husband cooperated without my having to say a word and my son did what was asked of him the first time it was asked. Wow! That rarely happens. After dinner we immediately cleaned up and put the extra food away. By the time my parents and my sister's family arrived, my dishes were in the dishwasher, my kitchen was clean and everything was so neat you'd never know there had been a grand dinner there only half an hour before. And I managed to do this without breaking a sweat or rushing around like a madwoman. The dessert phase was more of the same. Everything ran like clockwork from set up to goodbyes and final cleanup. My kitchen was again spic and span in less than half an hour and all the goodies had been safely packed away.

I don't even know how I managed to do it. I just seemed to flow from one thing to the next without a worry. Wish I could figure out that magic formula and bottle it. I'm hoping for some more of that mojo to carry through the rest of this holiday season.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Physician, Heal Thyself

2009-11-07T02:09:00.004-05:00

It is sometimes said that we teach that which we most need to learn. It would appear that I am a sterling example of that saying. I recently commented to a friend of mine that I was considering offering my services as a housekeeper in an effort to make a little money on the side while accommodating my freelance schedule. One would think that the housekeeper's home would be spic and span. Well, in this house that is not the case.

It's not that I'm a lousy housekeeper. Far from it, but let's face it... housework is drudge work, especially when there are four people living here and only one person doing the really dirty work. True, my children do have chores but they only accomplish the absolute bare minimum necessary to keep me from witholding privileges and generally making their lives miserable. As a result, the little things are left undone. Like the corners on the floors that hold on to all manner of dirt and debris. Like the laundry that gets folded but never distributed so it languishes in the laundry basket for days. Like the dishes that get washed but the dirty sink is never scoured. I could go on and on. Then there are those things that you look at everyday but don't see really see or perhaps you just look right through them as if they aren't there, like the dust that accumulates on the top edges of tall furniture, door frames and ceiling fan blades, yada yada yada. I won't even touch the issues of pet hair, oven cleaning and freezer defrosting. Those things are just downright depressing.

After a while those little things add up to one big load of dust and dirt. And as is the nature of housework, it doesn't stay done. As soon as you clean something it gets used or dirtied again and the cycle begins all over again. It's enough to make me insane so I take an approach that helps me retain some semblance of sanity...I ignore the mess. But that tactic only takes me but so far. The day always comes when, in a fit of misdirected energy, I'll begin to clean something and then something else until, before I realize it, I've opened up a housekeeping hornet's nest. It happened to me today. That's when I took stock and really looked at my house. I looked into the corners, on the ledges, at the windows and mirrors, into those little used areas that seem to welcome dust with open arms, and I'm disgusted. Disgusted and embarrassed at the sad state of my own home. How did I think I could clean someone else's home when my own is in such a shameful state?

Upon careful thought, I realized why cleaning someone else's house appeals to me more than my own. It's because after I have done the work, I can leave while it's still clean and I don't have to be around to see it get dirty again. I can enjoy the illusion that I have accomplished something worthwhile and not have to watch that oh-so-clean house of cards tumble down. Of course I know that the residents of the house are going to use and dirty whatever I have cleaned. I just don't have to watch it.

I've recently been doing quite a bit of cleaning around my home, specifically those things I tend to look through and not directly at. Who knew so much dust could collect on the top of a ceiling fan blade? You'd think the movement of the fan would be enough to keep the dust off but apparently not. My other recent cleaning attacks include the grout between the kitchen floor tiles, the mildew on the bathtub caulking, the dust in between the stair rails and the etageres that hold my plants. This is not even the tip of my housecleaning iceberg. This amounts to a mere snowflake.

I would still like to do some freelance housekeeping but first I've got to take stock of my own mess, at least a small part of it. While I'm doing so, I'm going to pay attention to what I'm doing, how I'm doing it and looking for ways to do it better and faster. That way when I do get that first housekeeping job, I'll come across as a professional instead of a harried housewife looking for some pocket change. If nothing else, my home should look great for the holidays.

Holidays? Oh no, that reminds me...I'm still finding bits of last New Year's Eve confetti. Here we go again.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

October 31, 2009

2009-10-31T23:48:00.007-04:00

Here's the short story...I had a great day. If you're not interested in reading a long-ish blog post, stop here. Otherwise read on.

Today began pretty much like any other weekend day. My family and I slept in but no matter how late I sleep, I always wake up before anyone else. Today was a very late day for me. I didn't get out of bed until 12:30 PM and didn't leave my bedroom until well after 1:00 PM. As is my custom, I hit the ground running and immediately began working in the garden. The time has come to begin winterizing my garden and preparing for the oncoming cold weather. It really didn't matter to me what time it was or what needed doing, today I intended to do whatever I wanted, however I wanted. You see, today marked my 23rd wedding anniversary, an occasion which until quite recently I chose not to celebrate, preferring instead to focus on the traditions of Trick or Treat. This year, however, is a little different.

It seemed hypocritical to celebrate my wedding anniversary, an occasion that was a source of unhappiness, frustration and disappointment. As far as I was concerned I had nothing to celebrate. The details for this state of affairs are irrelevant now. All I will say is that I was living a miserable existence for a long time. It was the classic tale of "staying married for the sake of the children". Truth be told, I stayed married because I really didn't want to go through another bout of single motherhood as I had after my first marriage. It was stressful enough the first time around when I was a lot younger and stronger and only had one child to raise in those days. Staying with my husband was an exercise in sheer willpower and tolerance. Many of my friends don't know how I have been able to manage it and are surprised that I have been able to do so for this long. Even my children are surprised that we're still married. It is no secret that their father is demanding, unfair and exceedingly difficult to live with. They would have left themselves years ago if they had been able to.

So what has changed. In a word, me. I've changed. For some years now I have been on a journey of self-discovery, growth and development of my inner strengths and knowledge. I have become more attuned with the universal energies that influence everyday life and am learning how to move with the flow of that energy instead of against it. I'm not talking about religion; I don't do religion. I'm talking about wisdom and self-knowledge. Let me just say that knowing myself, my own power and my own potential have had a calming effect on me. This is not to say that I don't have my "screaming meanie" days. We all have those at some point. I'm saying that they are much fewer and far between. I'm now more likely to pass on an argument, choosing to be happy over being right. That alone is a major step for me. The payoff is that those around me seem less stressed and are less likely to fly off the handle. My family life will never be like "The Brady Bunch". It's more like "Roseanne" with a Latin twist. It's still a work in progress.

So what did I do on my anniversary? I raked the leaves in the backyard, cleaned the old kiddy wagon that I use as a makeshift wheelbarrow, polished it with ArmorAll and stored it in two heavy duty black plastic bags for the winter, then clipped some cut branches into smaller pieces for disposal. When my husband finally awoke and came downstairs, I wished him a happy anniversary, gave him a kiss and we had a little impromptu dance in the kitchen. I checked email, gave out Halloween candy to some cute trick-or-treaters and generally just did whatever I wanted, however I wanted, with no stress, no hurry, no expectations. Later in the evening, my husband took me to a fancy restaurant where we were treated like visiting royaly by a waitstaff that wished us a happy anniversary at every turn (even personalized our menus to read "Happy 23rd Anniversary" across the top!). We "danced" in our seats while we waited for our meal (which was delicious), smooched a little like a couple of school kids, and had some laughs. A complimentary anniversary photo was taken by one of the staff and we even got a free piece of key lime pie to take home as an anniversary gift. Not too shabby.

We got home in time for me to help my son with his Halloween make-up before he left for a party. My husband, having done his husbandly duty for our anniversary, promptly tended to his priority, to wit, sitting down to watch the World Series game. He had gone out in the afternoon and bought me a bottle of my favorite libation so I poured us a drink, we clinked to our health and had ourselves another little anniversary smooch while my daughter looked on.

Okay, so maybe my day wasn't all chocolate and roses, and maybe the earth didn't move the way it did 23 years ago. Just the fact that I'm sitting here at my keyboard telling you about it is a clear sign to me that it was a good day. Better than my husband and I have shared in a long, long time.

Yep, it was a very good day.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Things, they are a-changing

2009-10-25T17:52:00.010-04:00

Around my home, things don't seem to happen in a calm, easy manner. They happen in frenzied clusters of activity, one behind the other, followed by relative inactivity for months at a time. In my last two posts I mentioned the stair renovations that took place inside and outside my home. Well, those weren't the only changes around here. Since October began:

1) My son earned his bartending certificate on the last of three tries. Perseverence wins out.

2) He also passed his road test and is our family's newest driver. He's already developed the habit of asking for the keys and registration to the car. Unfortunately for him he hasn't been very successful in getting it.

3) Triple header: My son celebrates his 20th birthday this month. He is officially no longer a teenager.

4) I finally ended my years of procrastination and purchased a new printer that can better serve my graphic printing needs. You can go here to read some more on this.

5) I successfully completed a large custom invitation order and received a check with lots of zeroes after the number. You can read about this in my artist blog here.

6) The pine tree that has graced the front of my home for years is being removed. Unfortunately the roots have infiltrated and are clogging the sewer line from my house. We've had to have it snaked out three times in less than a year but it was on this last visit that the serviceman was able to reach the (literal) root of the problem. The choices were scrap the tree or prepare to replace the sewer line when the roots eventually cracked it clean through. The tree lost that coin toss.

7) The apple tree in the back of the house is also coming down. After years of lackluster apple production (with the notable exception of the 2007 season - 137 pounds of apples -- whew!) I've decided to bring the tree down. It is so large that it literally sucks the light out of the backyard. I can't get a decent vegetable to grow because the tree takes up all the light, water and nutrients. It's time to bring more light and warmth into my yard and my life so the apple tree goes.

With these two large trees gone, my home and gardens will be filled with light. This is a good thing. My gardens should flourish and my clothes should dry very quickly when I put them out on the line next summer. This is something to look forward to. Next year should be very interesting around here.

There is still a week left to the month of October. With all that has occurred so far this month, I can't wait to see what this last week has in store for me.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

The Renovation Continues

2009-09-18T12:20:00.005-04:00

Now that the exterior entry steps and foyer have been renovated, attention is focused on the interior stairs. The stairs leading to my basement workshoop and laundry room were squeaky and really ugly due to layers of paint and who-knows-what that had accumulated with previous owners. There were gaps between the treads and risers that allowed dirt to fall through into the room below. All these steps were removed and replaced. Unfortunately my camera was down in the basement and I was trapped on the upper floor unable to retrieve it during the construction process so the only photo I was able to take was after it was all done (aoove right). Next order of business...the main run of stairs leading to the upper bedrooms.

The main stairway was the focus of my attention last year when I set about to stripping them of no less than four layers of paint. My intention was to expose the original wood grain and varnish them. What I discovered was that those multiple layers of paint were not only hiding dangerous cracks but the house had settled so much that the treads no longer fit properly into the risers, allowing them to shift. Essentially all that old paint was holding the stairs together. When I stripped it off, the real deterioration began. One tread had actually cracked completely from end to end and was being held in place by a couple of mending strips and a few screws in an attempt to prevent someone falling right through the stairs. Most of the treads and risers in this run of steps had to be replaced. As with most renovation projects it was noisy and messy but it was finally completed.

It took four days to complete the entire series of stairs, interior and exterior, in my home. I wonder how long its going to take me to clean up and put everything back in place.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Fixer Upper

2009-09-10T20:53:00.015-04:00

Every year we try to renovate something in the house. It might be a large project like last year's new fence and new garden shed, or it could be something as simple as rescreening the windows. This year we're tackling a number of projects, all of which have to do with the major thoroughfares within our home: the stairways. The brick entry stairs that lead to my front door were old and showing their age. The many cracks and openings in the mortar had allowed ants and termites to enter our house over the years, not to mention it was a shabby entry to our home. Those steps were removed and replaced yesterday with new brick steps and limestone treads.

Today the tiny foyer between the front door and the living room was given a new floor. The floor that was there when we bought the house 19 years ago was old, dark and cracking around the edges. As long as the brickwork on the front steps was being done, we decided to have the foyer tiled at the same time. We already had the materials and only needed the labor. Having a mason already onsite greatly simplified that. When he removed the old top layer he found that the underneath layer was of ceramic tile. It had been given a coat of black tar-like adhesive and tiled over with regular floor tiles. Those floor tiles were removed and new marble tiles were placed right over the old ceramic ones. These tiles have the irregularities of the mother marble in them (in other words they are not polished), giving them a rustic, aged character.

The next order of business is the main stairway to the upper story of our home. These stairs have settled, cracked and have threatened to give way under our feet for far too long and repair is mandatory. The smaller stairway that leads to the basement has also seen better days and is scheduled for repair.

The original renovation contract stipulated that all the work (brickwork, tile work and carpentry) was to have been completed over two calendar days but the materials vendor for the wood to be used on the stairs was unable to deliver in time. Bottom line: my two day schedule is now a four day schedule that includes this Saturday and Sunday. This complicates matters somewhat because the entire family will be home all day as opposed to being out at school or work, so there will be a lot more in the way of inconvenience happening this weekend. No matter. In a few days it will be over and things will settle back to normal, whatever that is in this household.

Here are a few pictures of the work done on the front steps and the interior foyer. With the number of repairs needed in this old house I feel these repairs are like placing a bandage on a bullet wound but I'll take my blessings wherever and whenever they come.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Expect the Unexpected

2009-08-26T01:25:00.004-04:00

I received two very interesting and unexpected telephone calls today. One of them came from a client of mine for whom I have designed invitations to her annual Client Appreciation Event. When she didn't contact me in early August as is her custom, I assumed that the economy had caught up to her and she would not be using my services. Fancy my surprise when her assistant called to ask what information I would need to begin designing the card and how quickly I can turn the job around. Aaah, the joys of doing what I love and getting paid for it.

The second call was even more unexpected. I was contacted by a recruiter for a benefits firms seeking managerial personnel to accommodate their company's expansion. Apparently the resume I had posted on Monster.com last week received a nibble. After some discussion I determined that the job and I were not a good match and declined to interview for the position. Nevertheless it was gratifying to know that my experience is still worth something in today's market.

Hmmm, maybe I should get my business suit drycleaned just in case.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Steely Resolve

2009-08-25T08:54:00.007-04:00

Last year I had embarked on an elimination diet intended to free my body of toxins for the purpose of eliminating the various recurring infections I was suffering from. The diet worked very well. The recurring ear infections that were haunting me disappeared as did the maniacal vaginal itching that my gynecologist could not effectively treat for three years. It also took care of the peskiest and most embarrassing problem I suffered from...flatulence. I was as gassy as a blimp day and night. As long as I stayed on the diet none of these issues recurred. The ancillary benefit of this diet is I lost weight due to its strict nature. During the time I followed this regimen I lost 17 pounds and was able to wear clothes I hadn't worn in years.

In time I grew lazy and went off my diet. The pounds crept back and my flatulence and vaginal itching returned. I once again steeled my resolve and returned to a modified version of the diet. In the two weeks since I have been on the diet I am happy to report that I have lost five pounds and the bloating and itching are gone. I have passed a weight benchmark and am fixing my eyes on the next level down. Only 8 more pounds until I get there.

Years ago I had promised myself that when I reached 55 years of age I wanted to be remembered for the fabulous shape I was in. My mantra is "55 and fabulous". Well, my next birthday is number 55 and I'm on my way. Now if I could just eye that exercise machine with the same resolve.....

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

A Long Haul

2009-08-22T00:47:00.005-04:00

It has been nearly three months since I've posted here. Believe me it wasn't for lack of things to write about. On the contrary, there was waaaay too much to write about. I have been kept so busy that I have to schedule time to breathe. My garden has been a big time and labor intensive venture. There has been so much rain this summer that the flowers AND the weeds are growing like wildfire. No sooner than I pull a weed that two grow in its place.

Then there's Marla, our adorable beagle. We have been acclimating to her presence as much as she had been acclimating to us. It hasn't always been an easy row to hoe. She demands lots of time and attention, something else that has to be wiggled into my schedule, like it or not.

Getting my younger daughter ready for her summer activities was another time eater. She spent two weeks in North Carolina with my older daughter, then returned to immediately take off for a month as a camp counselor. I met her in North Carolina during her second week and we both returned at the same time. Then my son went to NC upon our return. The travel arrangements alone for the three of us took up a big chunk of my time.

The clothes dryer motor burned out and needed replacing. The stair steps leading to the second floor are cracked and need replacing. Cooking, cleaning, washing, folding, shopping, gardening. Whew, it's been an exhausting few months. I guess that why it's called houseWORK. I can't imagine how anyone has the time to watch television. There's just too much to do.

Now if we stay-at-home moms who work like animals 24-7 could only get the respect we deserve (and the paycheck to match), we could truly rule the world.

I'll try to be more diligent about posting. Maybe I could find some time in the mornings...right after I pull those weeds.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Once an Artist, Always an Artist

2009-05-30T01:28:00.007-04:00

In retrospect I realize that I have been an artist my entire life. You might even say it’s what I was born to be. Even as a child I loved all artistic pursuits and would spend many hours coloring, drawing, play acting, sewing and dancing. It was dancing that first ignited my passion and I trained for many years in different forms of dance, eventually becoming a professional belly dancer. Along the way I took traditional art classes and continued my crafting.

I began card making in earnest about three years ago when I was sidelined by single sided deafness (SSD) and no longer able to dance professionally. It became my therapy of sorts, allowing me to express myself on paper as I had once expressed myself on stage. As I become more involved in the various techniques, materials and applications of the craft, I find myself incorporating the more traditional art methods in which I had trained in my youth. Syncretism is a very organic process for me and is something I employed very successfully as a nightclub dancer, marrying my belly dancing moves with my strong jazz and salsa background. I feel grounded when I mix the “old” with the “new”. I feel renewed and more vital.

The newest iteration of my “old” artistic techniques is pictured above and can be seen in my artist blog, The Creative Diva, under the title “Full Circle”. I’d be pleased if you would take a look.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Make the Plan, Forget the Plan

2009-05-23T02:17:00.017-04:00

Today was one of those days where I had a very specific outline for what I wanted to accomplish. I had to go grocery shopping, do some gardening, clear out old papers from my file cabinets, etc. The day began well enough as I ticked off at least one or two of the things I had on my plate. Then I opened my email to find a message from my son. He had forwarded to me a webpage featuring a beautiful beagle that he was interested in adopting. Upon seeing the dog I made the comment that I could look at that adorable face forever. This took place at sometime after two o'clock in the afternoon. By 3 PM, after having confirmed that that dog was still available, my son and I were on our way to the ASPCA adoption center, having decided to adopt immediately. Keep in mind I'm driving from Brooklyn, New York into the deep recesses of Manhattan on the Friday afternoon of Memorial Day weekend. Can you spell T-R-A-F-F-I-C?

Okay, let's cut to the chase. Her name is Marla. She is a year and three months old and by 8 PM she had already firmly installed herself as a member of the family, complete with collar, license and a favorite furry chew toy. Beagles are high energy dogs that like to sniff, lick, jump, play and, oh yes, bark. This particular one just recuperated from surgery for a fractured pelvis sustained in a car accident and suffers from separation anxiety so she howls if left alone for more than 10 seconds. She is a sweet dog and I have no doubt she will settle down into a routine in short order. My son, who will bear the major brunt of this dog's care and feeding, will no doubt have quite a bit of adjusting to do. He is used to sleeping in late and lazing around. That will all come to a screeching halt now that he's got a dog to feed and walk every day. Already he realizes that he has to pick up all the small toys, socks and other clothing he leaves strewn around his bedroom otherwise the dog will get into them. Just imagine, this dog may very well accomplish what I have failed to do...get my son to clean his room. Heck, I'll take my blessings wherever I can get them.

Today I also received another welcome surprise. After nine months of waiting I finally received my certificate of trademark for the logo I have used for all my work since approximately 1995. I can now officially add that tiny circled "R" after my logo on all the papercrafting work I do. Now I have to make the move to set up a website and put my work out there for sale.

No, today was not at all what I planned it to be.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Reaching Out

2009-05-19T23:39:00.009-04:00

Any parent can tell you... you never stop being a parent. No matter how grown, how capable, how accomplished your children grow up to become, you always carry a kernel of concern inside. It's the part of parenthood that becomes embedded in your soul the moment that tiny hand clamps around your finger. And as any parent can also tell you, parenting isn't easy. All the technological advances of our time still have not discovered a way to adequately deal with a two-year-olds tantrums or their adamant pronouncements of "NO!". Kids don't come with an owner's manual. No matter how much advice we receive or how many books we read, when it comes to raising our kids we're pretty much on our own.

My first born daughter is the mother of my soon-to-be 11 year old grandson. Scott is an inquisitive and incredibly intelligent boy with an angelic smile and a devilish twinkle in his eyes. Like most children (boys in particular), he can be headstrong and quite a handful for my daughter and her husband to handle. Unlike most children, Scott has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism. The behavioral issues inherent in autistic individuals, even high functioning ones like Scott, present daily challenges that can be extremely trying. Recently my daughter, who lives many miles away from me in North Carolina, called me for advice on how to handle some of Scott's extreme outbursts, noticing that some of his behavior reminded her of her own behavior as a child. What I heard in her voice was not just a request for advice but a plea for help of the sort that she was unable to get from the myriad of professionals who have evaluated her son over the years.

My daughter is an extremely resourceful, intelligent person and a devoted mother. She is also an army veteran so she has received rigorous training in how to handle difficult situations. She has proven herself to be a survivor over and over again. She can deal with just about anything. This wonderfully capable person was calling me for help and I was totally useless, or so I felt. I told her many things about her behavior as a child that were similar to that of her son but the context was totally different. She is developmentally normal, Scott is not. Any perceived similarities are only superficial. I wasn't able to offer any sort of comfort, any sort of concrete answer to her request.

Here is where it becomes very difficult for me as a parent. My child asked me for comfort and assurance and I was unable to provide it. Because of the distance, I couldn't even reach out and hold her like I used to when she was little. As I hung up the phone on our conversation, I felt bereft and empty. I had flunked Parenting 101.

So what to do? All I could do was find a way to let her know that she was not alone and that she was still loved, even if I wasn't able to help her in that moment. As is my custom, when I want to connect with someone, I give them something of myself. In the case of my daughter, I created a card for her in which I wrote a personalized note and sent it to her with my love. You can see a small image of it above. It may be a small comfort but I hope it is some comfort nonetheless.

(For a tutorial on how the card was created, as well as the symbolic meaning of the dragonflies, click here to go to my artist blog.)

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

The Sights and Sounds of Mexico

2009-05-04T02:29:00.009-04:00

As mentioned in an earlier post, my family and I spent a week in Ixtapa, Mexico where the weather was wonderful, the people were friendly and the exchange rate was favorable. My husband and I prefer to mix the typical "tourist-y" activities with striking out on our own and mixing with the locals. After all, who knows the area better than the people who live there. (Of course, knowing the local language helps immensely.) We were introduced to great restaurants, attractions and out of the way places that we might otherwise have missed had we limited ourselves to what the hotels had to offer.

There are far too many photos to post here and way too much to say. Instead, I'll let you peruse the photo gallery where I've loaded the best of our excursion. You'll find them here. Enjoy the view south of the border.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Swine Flu Hits Home (Humor)

2009-05-03T15:02:00.014-04:00

The Swine Flu is all over the news. Having just recently returned from Mexico, my family and I have been bombarded with calls from concerned friends and family inquiring as to our health. I even received a call from my daughter's school principal when she was absent one day. Apparently her classmates began the rumor that she was not only had contracted swine flu but had infected several other students.

Fortunately enough we are all healthy and whole with nothing more debilitating than seasonal allergies. But just for those of you who may be curious, here's what a case of swine flu looks like, along with a suggestion for some stylish protection. Have a laugh.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Back from Mexico

2009-04-22T00:36:00.003-04:00

My family and I returned from Ixtapa, Mexico this past weekend none the worse for wear in spite of thunderstorms in Houston that delayed our return flights for about three hours. Thankfully we all returned whole and healthy. I wish I could say the same for my luggage. Our bags were so beaten up, I swear those baggage handlers were tossing them out onto the tarmac before the landing wheels hit the ground. Fortunately none of our treasured souvenirs were damaged in the process. I'll be posting some of the vacation photos in future posts. Stay tuned.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

My Three Kids

2009-03-25T21:47:00.011-04:00

My oldest daughter lives in North Carolina. She can't come to New York very frequently so it's a rare occasion when the three of my children are all together in the same place. It is rarer still to get them to pose all dressed up. A recent family event featured a photographer taking free posed photos of any guest who wanted one so my children all posed for a group shot. Here they are. I'm just a proud mother hen showing off my three chicks.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Boyz In Da Kitchen

2009-03-19T17:43:00.017-04:00

Yesterday was one of those days that came together in a random sort of way and just flowed. It started with a request from my son's friend for some driving practice. Knowing that I was giving my son driving lessons, he asked to join in. After a couple of hours of biting my nails and praying to multiple deities as these two young men practiced three-point U turns, parallel parking and negotiating left turns, we returned home. The day before, I had asked my son to bake me a cake, something that he had put off after he had taken all the ingredients out. When his friend mentioned that he had never baked a cake before, I seized the moment and commanded them both to commence baking. Oh my. What did I do?

These guys became very creative with chocolate cake. They began by tossing jelly beans and M&M’s into the cake batter. They frosted the lopsided layers that emerged from the oven and embellished them with more M&M’s, multi-colored sprinkles, Dunkaroos and anything else they could find. They even placed some birthday candles on the cake and blew them out, just because. It was the ugliest cake they had ever seen and were sure that it would taste just as bad as it looked. I decided to cook a big Puerto Rican soul food meal of arroz con pollo (chicken and rice), stewed beans and tostones (fried green plantains) and invited my children’s friends to stay and eat. When my husband came home, instead of finding our kids in front of their respective computers, he found a house full of lively teenagers and a huge pot of food on the stove. After dinner, I sliced into the cake and served it for dessert. To everyone's surprise and delight the cake was as moist and delicious as it was ugly. The abundance of candy-coated garnish these guys put in and on the cake did nothing to diminish the flavor, in fact I think it was enhanced. My husband raved about how moist the cake was.

After dinner I played chauffeur, driving people to their respective homes, picking up a nephew along the way and dropping him and my son off at the bowling alley. I got home after 10 PM. When I took stock of my day, I realized my time had been completely consumed by the needs and/or desires of others from about 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I spent the whole day driving, cooking and taking pictures of the goings-on. It wasn't at all what I had planned but it probably turned out a whole lot better. I know this is going to be one of those days that will come up in the future when my kids start reminiscing about their youth and it will be accompanied by smiles and laughter. How fortunate that I chose to photograph it. How blessed I am to have been a part of it.

Carpe diem. Treasure the golden moments.

Ballo ergo sum, - Gitana, the Creative Diva

Technology - Love it or Leave it

2009-03-12T02:03:00.004-04:00

Ok, this posting is nothing more than frustrated venting. You have been duly warned.

We've all had technology-related sob stories about computer's gone wild and the like. As of this writing, I am wrestling with two email programs, one I want and one I don't. It seems Microsoft Outlook has hijacked the messages from my main email account and now all my mail is being automatically forwarded to Outlook. I was in the middle of a live chat with technical support, receiving instructions on the simple change of settings needed to remedy the situation when the connection failed and finally timed out. I can not reach live chat again until tomorrow and in the meantime my emails are residing in a strange mailbox. I am not happy.

There was a time when all this computer stuff was so simple for me to understand. Now it seems everything has become so complicated and convoluted. I want things simple. After all, I'm not creating the next feature length animated film or calculating the number of times quantum particles can split. I just want to check email and do some web-surfing. These days I have to ask my son to help me out with computer related issues. Seems like only yesterday I was teaching him how to navigate around a monitor with a mouse so he could play learning games. This role reversal is uncomfortable...not the part about him helping me but of me being unable to help myself. I feel totally out of the loop.

That's it. Nothing else. Like I said before, just venting.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Reaching Back

2009-03-04T23:14:00.008-05:00

My parents, and their parents and grandparents before them, were born and raised in Puerto Rico. They, like thousands of others from the island, came to New York during the Great Migration of the 1950's. I and nearly all my generation were born and raised in New York, either in Brooklyn or the Bronx. Being raised in a country other than that of your cultural heritage has one great disadvantage...you are physically disconnected from your cultural roots. All the daily routines, rituals and activities that are integrally tied to your culture are taken out of their natural context and must be adapted to your new surroundings. If you don't make an effort to maintain your culture, you can easily lose yourself in a new set of customs, losing your cultural identity in the process.

As an adult, I have made it a priority to learn as much as I can from my elders so I can pass that information on to my children who, as second generation Latinos born in the US, are even further distanced from their cultural roots. So it was a rare treat when my father recently brought me a coconut. Not only had I not eaten fresh coconut in many years, I had never seen one opened before. For me, a coconut is not just a tropical delight...it is something that I associate with the Caribbean, in particular Puerto Rico. I took the opportunity to photograph this cultural lesson for future preservation. My father bored holes into the soft "eyes" on the top of the coconut, afterwards handing it to me with instructions to insert a straw and drink the coconut milk. Mmmmm. Delicious. He took pains to show me the proper way to crack the coco without shattering it. With measured and deliberate strokes, he rapped around the coconut with a hammer until it cracked into two halves, exposing the creamy white flesh inside. I never knew that fresh coconut was so soft and tender. My father told me that the flesh hardens slowly after it has been exposed. My parents and I ate fresh coconut together, as they had done with their parents back in their native country.

Cracking a coconut is not a big deal but it was for me. I was reaching back for a piece of a past life that I did not participate in. I was looking at a page of my unknown history. The experience was priceless.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

"Tis a Puzzlement

2009-02-28T16:02:00.006-05:00

For my recent birthday, my daughter gave me a 1,000 piece puzzle featuring a photo of thousands of colorful jelly beans. She knows I love puzzles and I love jelly beans and she managed to combine them both in one brilliant stroke, so I spent most of this past week engaging in an activity that I love but haven't done in many, many years. If you have ever done a jigsaw puzzle, you know how challenging they can be. Imagine trying to sort out one thousand multi-colored jelly beans pieces. This was a daunting task, one that required lots of patience, observation and concentration to complete.

Funny thing about puzzles. If you are really determined to assemble one, you have to give yourself over to it, stay focused, and follow a deliberate series of steps in order to make sense of the jumble of pieces. First you turn all the pieces face up so you can see them all, then you separate the edge pieces because they are (usually) the most recognizable and you assemble the outside border. Then the work really begins. If you're smart, you start categorizing the pieces by color and slowly begin piecing the puzzle together, all the while referring to the picture on the box, until eventually your puzzle is complete.

If you're like most people, you admire your puzzle for a while then disassemble it and put it back in the box until the next time you want to challenge yourself. At least that's what I used to do. But this time my process was a little different. For starters, I did most of my puzzling at night, after the family was asleep, and would work well into the wee hours in near total silence. I find that when I work quietly in a very focused manner, my mind opens up to remarkable insights. As I assembled the puzzle, it suddenly dawned on me that puzzles are a very accurate metaphor for life. Life, like a jigsaw puzzle, can sometimes seem like a disjointed jumble of events that seem to make no sense. If you try to sort it out without a plan, you'll get nowhere fast. Sometimes all it takes is stepping back, looking at all the pieces laid before you and slowly putting it all together.

As I neared completion of the puzzle, I noticed that the pieces began to fall into place faster and faster. At times, as if by magic, I would look at an empty place in the puzzle, then look at the loose pieces and my hand would immediately fall on the piece needed to fill the space. I also noticed that sometimes the piece that fit into a particular place was not at all the one I expected it to be. Life is like that, too. When things start falling into place, everything starts coming together faster and faster, and sometimes the thing you need to accomplish your goal comes from the unlikeliest of places.

There's one more thing I learned...that when you look at something from a distance you can't appreciate the beauty of the details but if you focus only on the details, you lose the the beauty of the whole. Focusing in on the details of those little beans...the colors, the speckles, the highlights...were critical in my being able to complete the puzzle. Without those details, the grand picture would not have been nearly as rich and beautiful. They go hand in hand, the grand and the minute, and create balance.

The more energy you put into accomplishing your goal, the more energy you draw to yourself and things will almost magically present themselves before you. All you have to do is stay focused on the image you are trying to complete and work towards it one little piece at a time. Life, unlike a jigsaw puzzle, doesn't come in a box with a picture on it. You have to create that picture yourself and keep your eyes on the prize.

I'm not going to disassemble this puzzle. I'm going to glue it down and place it where I can see it often. I want to remember the lessons I learned assembling it. And I'll be eating jelly beans when I do.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

A New Blog

2009-02-03T22:13:00.005-05:00

As if I haven't got enough things to do, I've created a new blog. This one is dedicated to the pleasure and inspiration I get from my gardening. When my flowers start blooming and I'm eyebrow deep in loam and earthworms, that is where I'll be posting my pictures and my musings. I hope you will join me there. It is called Nature's Conversations and you can access it by using the link in the right column under More About Me. Thanks for your support.

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

25 Random Things About Me

2009-01-30T20:41:00.004-05:00

I was recently tagged by another Facebook user in a round-robin type of activity. Each person had to write a list of 25 random things about themselves and send it on to (tagging) 25 of their Facebook friends. Reading other's lists and writing one of my own was an interesting exercise so I decided to post my list here.

1. In the Western zodiac I am a water sign, but in the Eastern zodiac I am a wood sign.
2. I love to sing show tunes and patriotic songs in the shower (anyone for a round of "America the Beautiful?)
3. I wrote, casted, directed, choreographed, and played a leading role in a children's play at the age of 21.

Me as Jack-in-the-Box in the original children's play I wrote called The Magic Toyshop.

4. I appeared in two amateur films, one of which used my children's play as an element of the storyline.
5. By the age of 16, I had won several first and second place trophies in city-wide sewing contests sponsored by the Police Athletic League.
6. I never have to look up at the night sky to know if the moon is full. I can feel it in my body.
7. Thunderstorms are the sexiest things ever...the more thunder, lightning and rain, the better.
8. I meditate when performing repetitive tasks such as housework, gardening, sewing, crocheting, etc.
9. In the mid to late 1970's, my dance teacher arranged for me to have a private audition with the director of a dance company that was about to go on a US tour. I passed the audition, was offered a spot and turned it down
10. In the mid 1980's, I was offered the opportunity to dance in the nightclubs of Tokyo, all expenses paid for six months. Turned that one down too.

A picture from my professional bellydancing debut in 1984.

11. I used to be very shy in front of people other than my family.
12. I like liver.
13. If I had my druthers, I'd druther live alone.
14. My mother once told me I had magic hands (because of my artistic ability). It was one of the nicest things she ever said to me and I'll always remember it.
15. The names of all my children begin with the letter "A".
16. My siblings and I were named for prominent individuals. I continued this tradition with my children.
17. I twice auditioned to be a Playboy bunny. I was turned down both times. :(
18. I am one of those maladjusted individuals who really gets into housework. I love a clean house.
19. I was once a contestant on the $25,000 Pyramid and met Dick Clark in person.
20. I used to be the kid that always got picked last to play games.
21. I used to be the girl that none of the boys would date. (That was before my Latina curves kicked in.)
22. I have more sexy lingerie than Victoria's Secret and Fredericks of Hollywood combined...but my husband doesn't like lingerie so it's wasting away in my drawer and now I'm too fat to wear it.
23. High heels and mini skirts were my uniform from the ages of sixteen to thirty-something (I'm so old now I forget).
24. Red and black are my trademark colors, with white for occasional contrast.
25. My favorite childhood singing group was the Four Seasons.

TAG...your turn!

Ballo ergo sum
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Sifting Through the Rubble

2009-01-25T01:21:00.007-05:00

I have once again embarked upon a mission to rid myself and my home of unneeded, unwanted 'things'. I'd like to say junk but much of it isn't junk...it's useful stuff that I have no use for. I have concentrated my first wave of attack on the laundry room, having been named so because that's where the laundry gets done. It is so much easier than calling it the "I-have-no-idea-where-to-put-this-so-let's-stick-it-in-the-basement" room. It's a bit on the small side but it has lots of nooks and crannies, one of the reasons so much stuff has accumulated there over the years.

Over the past couple of days I have moved boxes and installed a steel shelving unit. I have unearthed things that have literally not seen the light of day since I moved in over 18 years ago and that I had forgotten completed about. It is embarrassing to see how much dust had accumulated in those forgotten corners. I have only tackled about half the room but already there is a noticeable difference. For one thing I can actually see the floor. It was there all the time, I just couldn't see it past all the schmutz. (For those of you who are Yiddish-challenged, it's a technical term that means junk, trash, garbage, etc.) Just clearing off the floor, taking out the trash and putting the rest of the stuff up on shelves lightened the atmosphere in the room. I feel as if I can breathe easier in there. In a few more days I will have cleaned it all out. Then it's on to the opposite end of the basement where I have metal file cabinets harboring obsolete information, tons of now-useless papers and who knows what else. My goal is to have the basement reasonably cleared of detritus by spring. Once the warm weather rolls in, I'm outside in my garden where a different sort of unearthing takes place.

Yes, it's hard, heavy and dirty work. Yes, I'm dog tired and achy when I'm done. Yes, I'm doing it alone. Yes, I'm enjoying it and am finding it immensely satisfying.

Now I ask you...is this a sign of a totally maladjusted woman or what?

Any comments?

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creaive Diva

A very short note about spring...

2009-01-09T21:04:00.002-05:00

The growing season has already begun.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

A New Year begins

2009-01-08T22:52:00.011-05:00

On January 1st I hosted a New Year's Day gathering of the East Coast division of my family. To my surprise and delight, everyone showed up with one exception. As I had predicted, the gathering was crowded, noisy and boisterous but no one seemed to mind at all. It had been such a long time since we had all gathered together that just being together was enough to create a jovial atmosphere. We were 36 people strong crammed into the first floor of my home. It was a festive, happy, energizing gathering.

It was a potluck affair with everyone contributing a dish. I spent over an hour in the kitchen frying tostones, the traditional fried green plantains that are so common in the spanish-speaking Caribbean. I couldn't cook them fast enough and people were snapping them up as fast as they could hit the platter. I actually had my young cousins waiting over my shoulder, like pups hoping for something to fall on the floor so they could pounce on it. My uncles all made out like bandits, grabbing the biggest and crunchiest ones for themselves.

At one point I called everyone to attention to thank them for being a part of this family gathering, to wish my cousin Frankie a happy birthday and to raise a toast to his parents, my dear aunt and uncle, who would be making the trip back to Florida with him to relocate. I choked up at the thought of them leaving and it was all I could do to hold back the tears. One of my cousins from Arizona had sent me an email that she wanted me to read to the assembly, which I did. It was great to have a "virtual" representative from our West coast division present in the room with us.

Then my cousin David, my aunt and uncle's youngest son, took the floor. David was known to be more than a handful as a child and was a source of concern as a young man, causing more than a few gray hairs for his parents in his day. With all of us bearing witness, he spoke to his parents, acknowledging the headaches and heartaches he had caused them, thanking them for the wonderful job they did in raising him and expressing his love and affection for them. It was a totally unexpected, heartfelt and emotional outpouring that was captivating, endearing and left more than a few onlookers teary-eyed.

My uncle Paco, as I said in my last post, has been suffering from and is being treated for depression. On that day he ate, he drank, he danced, laughed and smiled in the way we all remembered him to be. This was no small feat considering he did little more than lay in bed for the last several months. It was a welcome sight for all, especially his wife Norma and their children for whom his condition is most distressing. This fact alone made the day a huge success. It was a day of love, laughter, food, family and fun. It was the meeting of past, present and future. It was a healing of great magnitude.

The pictures taken that day have been uploaded to my Photobucket account and I’ll be sending notification out to the family to check them out, particularly those who couldn’t be there. These images are more than just a chronicle of the day; they are a part of our history.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Bah Humbug!

2008-12-25T23:21:00.005-05:00

Christmas has come and gone and the new year looms on the horizon. I dutifully trotted out the decorations and made the house look festive. I spent an obscene amount of time handcrafting holiday cards to send to friends and family. I even dug up my old collection of Christmas music (vinyl records, not CDs) and played them ad nauseum. I did all this in the hope of stoking the fires of Christmas past because, to be brutally honest, Christmas-y is the last thing I've been feeling. Unfortunately I wasn't the only one not in the holiday mood. Seems everyone in my household was just going through the motions, hoping for something to jumpstart them and put them in the right spirit...a sort of Christmas defibrillation. It didn't happen.

I'm not sure what everyone else's excuse for the apathy was but I know one of my reasons. I received a call several weeks ago from my aunt to tell me that she and my uncle were unexpectedly moving to Florida to live near their son. Under normal circumstances this would not be such a big deal but the circumstances here are a bit different. They're not leaving because this is a choice they wanted to make...they're leaving because they can no longer afford to live in Brooklyn. The cost of living here has escalated to the point that they can no longer survive on their fixed incomes. They were renters, subject to the whims of their landlord and the real estate market. A rent increase scheduled to take effect at the beginning of January was the straw that broke their financial back.

To complicate matters, my uncle has recently succumbed to a debilitating bout of depression that has caused him to withdraw from any sort of normal social contact. He has been in this state for seven months with no sign of improvement. Now he must relocate in the middle of his treatment and essentially start all over again when he arrives in Florida. This alone will set his progress back. The fact that he doesn't want to move makes him even more depressed.

For my part, I have been living a dual existence. Outwardly I appear to be conducting myself as usual but inwardly I have been extremely sad about this whole state of affairs. In my alone time I have cried bitterly, bemoaning the loss of my beloved family members. We have never been more than a short car ride away from one another. Now they'll be moving to Florida which, for me, may as well be the Far East.

On January 2 they will be leaving the cold New York winter behind for the warmth of Florida, miles away from us. The day before, on January 1, I will be hosting an New Year's Day brunch in my home and have invited all of the clan to help greet the new year and bid bon voyage to our loved ones. I imagine this gathering will be crowded, loud, noisy and run the gamut of emotions from great joy to great sorrow. I am happy at the prospect of seeing everyone together at an event that is neither a wedding nor a funeral yet I am sad that this may be the last holiday we will spend near my aunt and uncle. But the dice have been cast and events have been set into motion. There is nothing more to do but go with the flow.

I am not happy.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana

A Milestone Reached...

2008-12-01T03:58:00.007-05:00

On Saturday, November 29th, we celebrated my youngest daughter's sixteenth birthday. It was a milestone on several fronts. The most obvious one is that of my daughter having reached that magic age where the everything begins to open up before her and her womanhood now becomes a focal point for the world at large. Then there is the fact that she reached that magic age relatively unscathed by the slings and arrows of childhood and early adolescence. By that I mean no fights at school, no squabbles at summer camp (altercations with her siblings don't count), no pregnancies, drugs or alcohol, no gang activity, etc. Not for one moment do I take for granted the fact that although my kids give me grief and back talk sometimes, they are great kids. When I think of the parents wondering where their children are, what they are doing and who they are doing it with, I thank God every day for the kids I have.

The most important milestone in my book is that my empty nest countdown has begun. In the not-so-distant future I can look forward to not having progeny underfoot, to not having to work my schedule around the needs of my children, to doing first and foremost for myself. True, there are still quite a few years before my children will be totally on their own, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel that signals freedom from excessive cell phone charges, sibling squabbles and piles of laundry. Oh, I don't expect that any of that will come to a stop...just that it will be taking place at their place, not mine.

Wanting my children out of my house is not to say that I want them out of my life. I just recognize that as long as they hang around, I will revert to our established modes of behavior, i.e., "I'm the mommy, you're the child and you'll do as you're told as long as you're in my house", and they will understandably resent it. They need autonomy. They need their own space. They need to live in their own squalor to understand the value of a clean home and fresh laundry. They need to work, pay bills, make mistakes and learn to be adults. They need to fly without a net into that scary wild blue yonder.

Yep, my baby is sixteen and I'm going to savor these last years before my kids are gone. The countdown has begun.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
-Gitana, the Creative Diva

Junk Food Wisdom

2008-11-19T00:48:00.005-05:00

Nearly 10 years ago I remember imbibing one of my favorite brands of flavored sugar water masquerading as fruit juice. While the drink itself was somewhat forgettable, the brand was one of those that prints sayings inside the bottle cap. I usually threw them away after reading them but there was one that struck a chord with me so I chose to keep it. It read, "If it is to be, it is up to me." At the time, I was working at Brooklyn College, the place where I began but never completed my higher education about 25 years earlier. I had been toying with the idea of returning to finish my degree but kept making excuses and getting in my own way.

Then that bottle cap appeared. I placed that cap in my desk and would peek at it every so often when I needed to retrieve a pencil or a paper clip from my drawer. At some point the cap moved up from the drawer to the desk top where I would see it every day and pick it up once in a while to ponder its message. I didn't take action until a few semesters later, when I convinced myself that all my excuses didn't equal the fact that I was smarter than some of the people I was working for and the only thing that differentiated us was my lack of a sheepskin. (Historical note: Diplomas were originally written in calligraphy on sheepskin parchment, not printed on paper.)

Long story short: I returned to complete my bachelors degree and graduated in 2004. When I left my employment at Brooklyn College, I cleared out my desk and brought that bottle cap home with me, assigning it to a place of honor on my bulletin board where it still stands today. I credit that tiny bit of junk food wisdom with giving me the kick in the butt I needed to get moving on fulfilling my dream. Just goes to show you that you never know where and how inspiration will strike. You just have to listen very carefully to those whispers, wherever they may come from.

Recently I indulged in one of my favorite comfort foods -- milk chocolate. The brand I favor also prints sayings on the inside of the wrappers, many of which I have enjoyed very much. I list some of them here, in no particular order, so that you may also enjoy them.

- Live your dreams.
- Smile - people will wonder what you've been up to!
- Buy yourself flowers.
- Be fearless.
- Age is nothing but a number.
- You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
- Believe in and act on your dreams.
- Break the mold, be extraordinary!

Words of wisdom are sometimes spoken in whispers. Listen carefully.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

22

2008-11-01T23:40:00.007-04:00

Halloween day is my wedding anniversary and this year marks 22 years of marriage for my husband and me. The fact that we have been married this long isn't nearly as impressive as the fact that for the first time in years I actually acknowledged it. I had chosen not to celebrate an anniversary for a long time because I didn't want to put a happy face on what, for me, was a source of misery and constant unhappiness. I would even say as much to friends and family who would call to wish me a happy anniversary, so much so that they stopped calling to offer their congratulations.

This year I decided the time was right to try it again so my husband and I went out to dinner. It was far from an idyllic evening. The restaurant he intended to take me to had closed down. The next two choices had waiting lines out the door. We settled on a steakhouse that had loud music and mediocre bar service. Thankfully the wait time was fairly short and the food was fairly good. In spite of the few shortcomings of the evening, I chose to focus on my husband. Every time I would raise a glass and say "Happy Anniversary", he glowed. Of course he would never openly admit it but he was happy that I was finally acknowledging our anniversary. I think he was secretly happy that I hadn't dumped him as I had threatened to do so many times over the years. (Believe me, if it hadn't been for the kids...well, that's another story.)

This marriage has been a rough row to hoe from the very beginning. If anyone had asked me a few years ago to project its longevity, I would have said it was on life support awaiting the pulling of the plug. I'm not the same person anymore and I have a different perspective on life. Although I don't think this marriage is going to be any less rough, I think I'm better able to deal with the crap. I'm going it for the long haul.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Art Imitates Life

2008-10-26T22:08:00.012-04:00

I recently watched an episode of "Ugly Betty", one of my favorite pieces of fluff. In it, Betty faces her high school archnemesis, Kimmy Keegan, who during a low period in her life begs Betty to help her get a job where Betty works. Although Betty tries to befriend her old enemy, she can't help reliving one of the more painful episodes suffered at Kimmy's hands. Betty becomes so fixated on that image of what happened in the past, she doesn't see what's happening in the present. When a situation occurs that reminds Betty of that painful incident, her insecurity rears it head. Instead of stepping back and calmly assessing the situation, she simply reacts, a reaction that is extreme and inappropriate. Betty immediately realizes that things were not as she imagined them to be and that she's made a terrible mistake. By then, of course, it's too late.

So why does this matter? Because I, too, have succumbed to the blindness of insecurity and have reacted extremely and imappropriately in recent occurrences with a friend which has prompted her to cut ties with me. And, like Betty, I realized too late what I had done. For me, this is indeed a very sad turn of events that could have been totally avoided if I had just taken a breath, stepped back and tried to view things in a more realistic light. I didn't see what was in front of me. I was reacting to what I thought, not to what was true.

This is a very valuable, very painful lesson, one which I will not forget. It may be too late to make amends with the friend I have lost but perhaps the sting of this wound will remind me to seek knowledge before reacting to speculation.

Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

An Energetic Shift

2008-10-14T10:20:00.008-04:00

Sometimes it only takes a little change in routine to manifest a marked difference.

Last night I attended an event coordinated by Dancers Over 40, Inc. (www.dancersover40.org), a non-profit organization that provides a community of support for mature dancers, choreographers and related artists. It was a tribute to Jack Cole, a master dancer/choreographer and included film clips of his choreography as well as discussions by many of his former dancers. Although I have been a member for many years, I have never attended any of the DO40 events but this one had a lot of energy surrounding it so I made it a point to be there. I almost didn't get in...the show was closed out but by a miracle I received a ticket. I'm so glad I was able to see that show. Being in the audience, surrounded by fellow dancers and other theatrical types, watching film clips of incredible choreography and seeing several DO40 members performing live was just the sort of energy boost I needed. For the first time in years I felt the excitement I use to feel when I was actively studying dance and performing. During intermission I ran into Kathy Conry, a wonderful dancer with whom I took a couple of tap classes before she left for the West Coast for nearly six months to choreograph a show. She said she had only just returned and would be calling me to resume classes. I can't wait.

In an incidence of serendipity, I met a young performer on the cancellation line who, among other things, is a practicing reconnective healer. We talked quite a while about healing arts and how this subject is gaining prominence in the universal dialogue. We exchanged cards and look forward to resuming our discussion at a later date. Also on the cancellation line I met Jaime, a fellow DO40 member who, like me, is Puerto Rican. They were among those ahead of me on line who received last minute cancellation tickets released by the box office. I felt a connection with them and was glad that I was ultimately able to join them inside the auditorium.

After the show I was energized and full of ideas. On the train home I realized how much I missed being in the flow of dance energy and how much happier I am when I have the music in me. Numerologically speaking, this is my 8 personal month. Eight is the number of taking charge of my life and making decisions. 2009 is an eight personal year for me, meaning that all the contemplation and reflection I have been doing this year is preparing me to take charge and move forward next year. I would like to think that next year I'll be dancing more, interacting with many interesting and exciting people, and moving in new directions. If my hunch is correct, I'm in for a very busy year full of things that will yield healing energy. Lord knows I'm ready, willing and in need. Bring it on.

5, 6, 7, 8...

Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Mercury Retrograde

2008-10-10T00:51:00.005-04:00

I've been hearing (from those who are more knowledgeable in matters of astrology than I am) that we are in a period of Mercury retrograde (MR). In an effort to better understand exactly what that means, I did what anyone in this age of advanced technology would do...I googled it. There were quite a few entries with explanations of this occurrence (here's one: http://astrology.about.com/od/advancedastrology/p/MercuryRetro.htm. And for an interesting assessment of MR and its effect on Sarah Palin, check this one: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/liz-rose/post_195_b_130964.html). Essentially, the planet Mercury, which rules over communication, appears to be moving in reverse orbit. While this phenomenon is only an optical illusion, it is significant in its effect. Communications of all kinds tend to go awry: emails get lost or misdirected, telephone lines go down, computers malfunction, people have trouble expressing themselves, making decisions or understanding what others are trying to say. In short, mis-communication is the order of the day.

So what's that got to do with me? Everything! Miscommunication has been the catch-phrase in my life for the past few weeks. No matter how carefully I explain myself, either I'm not understood properly, or my attempts are somehow misconstrued. No matter how carefully others communicate to me, I'm never sure if I've got it right so I continually ask questions in an attempt to "get it", thereby annoying the heck out of them. In those situations where communications aren't great to begin with, MR just seems to make it worse. This is a source of never-ending frustration for me that has caused a great deal of anxiety and has manifested itself as anything from intense anger to deep despair.

What to do? Retreat, relax, reassess, and wait for realignment. I have to stay focused on the bigger picture. As long as I keep other aspects of my life balanced (or as balanced as I can), time will hopefully do the rest. For some months now I have been enjoying a wonderful sense of inner calm and have been moving in a flow of serendipity and relative happiness. It doesn't make sense that all of that inner work I've been doing would just up and disappear. What does make sense is that this trying period is just a speed bump trying to slow me down and reassess what I'm doing. I just have to exercise patience, something I don't always have a large reserve of.

(Postscript: Mercury retrograde will be over on October 15. It will be the last MR for 2008.)

Waiting to exhale,
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

How Does My Garden Grow?

2008-10-02T00:02:00.007-04:00

For the last six weeks or so, my garden has been a study in contradictions. Usually fall follows summer in a pretty predictable pattern: food crops ripen and are harvested, leaves begin to fall in earnest, the ambient temperature drops. This year it was a little different. My peppers and tomatoes did not do very well this year although my flowers were explosively abundant. I heard the same thing regarding food crops from other gardeners in my area. The plants would bud and bloom but wouldn't set fruit.

Then in mid-August the leaves began falling off the trees in such quantities that I had to sweep them up on a daily basis, giving me reason to believe an early fall would set in. After about three weeks of this behavior, the energy shifted, seemingly from one day to the next. The falling leaves slowed to a trickle and suddenly the non-performing tomatoes fruited and swelled as if trying to play catch-up. It was as if the oncoming energy of fall was deferring to the late-blooming energy of summer, holding its breath, if you will, to give summer a chance to tend to unfinished business before resuming. This week, Summer shows her waning face during the day while Autumn cools the nights, each taking turns as if on a seesaw. Soon Autumn will take over and it will be back to business.

There have been other contradictory signs in my garden as well. While there have been reports for years about the waning bee population, this year I saw a marked increase in bee activity, at times observing as many as five different varieties of bees in my garden simultaneously. I also observed more monarch butterflies this summer than I have in the previous 17 years I have lived in my house. So with this flurry of pollinating activity going on, why didn't the crops do better?

And then there was the mystery melon. A melon vine mysteriously appeared in my garden and began to grow. Although I did not plant it, out of curiosity I allowed it to mature. Only one melon fruited, a small, softball-sized canteloupe. When it fell off the vine, I left it in the sun for about a week. I didn't think it was any good, but when I cut it open it was sweet and delicious. A totally unexpected surprise.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and take my observations a little further. This will sound a little far-fetched if not downright absurd but bear with me. The rise of Barack Obama in the presidential campaign has been an unexpected surprise for many. Polls show the popularity of the two candidates seesawing slightly, up a little one day, down a little the next. The country seems to be holding its breath, waiting for the political race to end before exhaling. Once it ends, the new president will take over and it will be back to business.

In many ways, it seems to me that the energy surrounding the events occuring in our country have been forecasted by the energy in my garden. Of course my garden experience is not the same as another's and I don't pretend to be able to divine anything by watching how my garden grows. I'm just making corresponding connections where they seem to fit.

I wonder if that flurry of busy bees and those poor tomatoes trying to catch up have anything to say about this $700 billion bailout.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Considering Autumn...

2008-09-30T02:00:00.004-04:00

I have been privileged to be invited as a contributor to a new online radio show called The Global Almanac (airing Sundays at 6 PM on BlogTalkRadio.com). The show's focus is to educate listeners about the universal principles that govern our lives and how we can use this knowledge to our best advantage. The inaugural show took place on September 28 and among the subjects that was touched upon was the significance of autumn and how the energy of this season affects us. The direction of universal energy during autumn is down. This is reflected in the falling of leaves, in the lower position of the sun in the sky and the lessened amount of sunlight due to shorter days. It is a time when the weather cools and the emphasis is on indoor concerns.

My contribution to the radio broadcast is that of sharing the insights I have received while working on my garden. One of the most striking revelations I gleaned was when I made the connection between the garden and my home. That is to say that as I moved things around in my garden, such as uprooting plants, rearranging pots, etc., there was a corresponding energetic shift going on inside my home. After participating in Sunday's broadcast, a further insight came to me. It occurred to me that not only does the energetic shift occur within the home, it occurs within each of its occupants. We...our bodies...are home to our individual energy, our essential nature, and we are each as affected by the natural flow of energy as the plants in my garden. Just as the changes outdoors causes activities to move indoors, so do we tend to focus more on what's going on inside ourselves, physically and emotionally.

I have to wonder. Is it purely coincidental that the most festive and important celebrations take place in late fall and early winter or is it more likely a result of that internal focus? More musings some other time.

Ballo ergo sum
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

An exceptional day

2008-09-19T00:29:00.008-04:00

In my last entry, I mentioned that among the things I expected to do in the upcoming months would be assisting friends and family in those unexpected times of need. Such an opportunity came yesterday when I was called upon to escort my aunt to a post-surgical follow up appointment with her eye doctor. Under normal circumstances my cousin would have taken time from work to do it but this time it wasn't possible. I was called in to pinch hit and I was more than happy to step in. Truth be told, I have been after myself to visit this side of the family for quite a while (okay, so it's been a few years). My uncle has been sick for a while and I hadn't been to see him so this was not only an opportunity to be of service, it was a chance to redeem myself for my lack of attention.

This trip only took a few hours out of my day but it was worth its weight in gold. Not only was I able to reconnect with members of my family, I received an unexpected bonus. My cousin's daughter was there with her little girl who recently turned two years old and I'm embarrassed to say I had never met her before. What a little doll! Then my other cousin drove in from Boston with his three year old son whom I had also never met before. (Gosh, what a lousy relative I am.) So I got to meet some of the newest members of the family. The bigger bonus is that I had brought my camera with me and was able to capture all of my family in photos. That alone was pricless.

The drive home from my aunt and uncle's home afforded me the opportunity to make a few unexpected stops and pick up some items that I had put off because they were a bit out of the way. This meant that I could scratch a few more things off my To Do list. I arrived home in plenty of time to relax, change my clothes and start dinner before the first of my family members returned home.

The day flowed like a stream of water. I easily found parking wherever I went. I moved from one task to the other without skipping a beat although I was following no set plan. I encountered no resistance in my travels (with the exception of one jerk who nearly caused an accident in front of me because he was in such a hurry to pull out of a driveway). I felt calm, centered and happy. It was the kind of day I've seen portrayed in TV movies, the kind I thought was contrived and manufactured for mass consumption, not the kind of day "real" people experience, and yet that is precisely what I experienced. The events of the day were mundane but the manner and intent with which they were executed was magnificent in its elegant simplicity. Such a day is golden. Such a day is exceptional. Such days are happening to me on an ever-encreasing basis.

This is what it feels like to live in grace.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and All Ways,
-Gitana, the Creative Diva

Summer Retrospective

2008-09-09T18:20:00.009-04:00

(Here are pictures of my old rusty shed and the newly painted shed that has replaced it. For more, use my Photobucket link [above right] and go to the Backyard Renovation 2008 album.)

The entire month of August has passed without me making a single blog entry. Labor Day, the "official" end to the summer season (calendars and equinoxes notwithstanding) has come and gone and is a fast-fading memory. I'm looking ahead to the fall and seeing all the work that lies before me but before I do that, I want to take a look at all the work I've accomplished during the summer. And boy, do I mean work.

In my earlier posts I mentioned the home improvement projects that were on the To-Do list for the summer, namely a new fence, a new shed, and refinishing the floor in my daughter's room. In addition there were a few other projects that popped up along that way, such as creating a memorial garden to commemorate my ancestors, digging up and giving away my excess garden plants to fellow Freecyclers, and relocating my out-of-season clothes and performance costumes into the attic storage area. I am happy to report that all these and more were completed. Unfortunately my entire summer, three solid months from early June to Labor Day, was tied up in these projects. I'm not complaining but I have to say I am tired...dog tired...but fulfilled and very well tanned.

The tasks I accomplished were, in my opinion, nothing less than Herculean considering I had to do them all by myself. The larger aspects of the work were accomplished by others (the fence replaced and old shed removed by my husband and son, the new shed installation and floor refinishing done by contractors). But we all know that the bulk of the work, the work that can grind you into a sweaty, pulpy mess by the end of the day is the little stuff. Removing the contents of the old shed and then replacing it all in the new shed. Giving the shed two coats of paint with a hand brush because a roller could not be used. Weeding, raking and cleaning up the yard. Moving mountains of dirt. Uprooting plants. Yada yada yada. Well, folks, that's what I did for three solid months. In the midst of it all I also had to complete the daily tasks necessary for maintaining a household such as laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning. etc.

Why did I do it all myself? Frankly because no one else was around. My husband and son were at work all day and my daughter was away most of the summer. Besides, doing it all myself meant I got to do it all my way. I'm an organizational maven and I like to have things organized in a common sense, aesthetically pleasing manner that will allow me to have easy access to them. Accomplishing that takes time, time that I am more than ready and willing to spend, time that my family would not willingly give me. Involving them meant dealing with differing opinions on how things should be done and power struggles I didn't want to engage in. I chose to do things slowly and deliberately, in a meditative sort of way. It was a win-win situation for me. I got to organize things as I saw fit, in my own good time. My family was spared the extra work involved and I was spared from hearing them whine and grouse about having to do anything after work hours.

When you are in the midst of a large, ongoing project, you can lose sight of the amount of progress you're making, little by little, every day. I call those large projects elephants. Those bits of progress are small nibbles, eating away at the elephant. That's what I was doing...eating the elephant. Imagine my surprise last week when I looked around at my yard and realized that the only thing left of that elephant was table scraps. I had finally eaten the elephant and it caught me by surprise. My shed was painted and repopulated, my garden was weeded and raked, my memorial garden was complete, my screenhouse was nearly empty and I could actually sit on a bench inside of it that had been buried under bicycles and garden hoses. What a rush!

Now what?

Like I said at the beginning, I'm looking ahead to the fall and seeing all the work that lies before me. Soon my annuals will start to wither, my perennials will go dormant. I'll have to bring in my houseplants and "winterize" my garden. There's my daughter's Sweet 16 to organize, apple pies to be baked, Christmas cards to be made and gifts to be crafted. This doesn't even begin to count the family and friends who will call upon me to assist them in one way or another or the unexpected projects that will pop up along the way. The list goes on and on and on... Geez, I'm tired already.

Bring it on!

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Surrender

2008-07-29T23:21:00.007-04:00

The concept of surrendering is not something I take to very easily. It brings with it the baggage of giving up. of being defeated. With my strong will and pride, such a concept is antithetical and unacceptable. Yet I have heard that sometimes the best way to deal with a difficult situation is to surrender to it, allow it to take its due course and usually this will lead to a level of redemption. I never believed it, choosing instead to try and influence the outcome of a situation by extreme effort or sheer force of will. I never believed it, that is, until this week.

I am in the midst of a home improvement frenzy. My health and the weather are good and my husband is being financially cooperative. A new storage shed was on our list of home improvements. After some research my husband and I settled on one and he was to place the order. Here's where it gets sticky. He apparently had an unpleasant telephone experience with the sales associate and told me he would not do business with the company. I was disappointed because I was already making mental notes about how I would modify the shed to suit, what color I would paint it, etc. A part of me wanted to tell him to call back and place the order regardless of what happened on the phone but another part of me knew such a request would only make him dig his heels in harder. I decided the shed wasn't worth the hard feelings that would ensue so I let it go. I didn't like it but I surrendered myself to the fact that we would get a shed that I wasn't totally happy with. My husband decided to order another shed we were interested in, but when he called he was told delivery was five weeks. Besides that, the specifications were not to his liking. After all was said and done, he went back to the manufacturer of our preferred shed and order the model I wanted in the first place.

Another improvement project involves a memorial garden I've created to honor my ancestors. I saw a small monument resembling an ornate headstone in a catalog. It was inscribed with a lovely poem and included a carved angel on one side and I thought it would be perfect under the arbor, surrounded by flowers. I wanted to have it in place before the anniversary of my grandmother's death on August 17th but the delivery time was stated as four weeks. Oh well, I ordered it anyway, surrendering to the fact that it wouldn't arrive until after the anniversary date. Three days later, I found a UPS delivery attempt notice on my door. When the package arrived on the next delivery attempt, it was my monument. Instead of four weeks, it had arrived in three days!

I think I've got it now. Surrender is not an act of defeat but rather a supreme act of faith. It is based in a firm trust in the universe to bring you what is really important and necessary.

The power of surrender can be summed up like this: "If you love something, let it go. If it returns, it is yours forever. If it does not, it was never meant to be".

What can I say? It's working for me.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Out with the old...

2008-07-28T23:06:00.010-04:00

For some months now I have been busy with a number of home improvement projects. This is always a good thing. Nothing pleases me more than puttering around the house and putting things in order. The focus of this year's efforts has been the backyard, an area that has been slowly decaying from plain old age. The fence, which had actually rotted away in one corner, has been replaced through the efforts of my husband and son. Due to uncooperative weather, a two day project stretched out for four weeks but that's beside the point. I couldn't do any gardening until the fence was fixed so once that project was completed, I raked, weeded, uprooted and prepared to plant. In the process of clearing out the garden, I thought of my grandparents. I remembered my grandmother's death anniversary was approaching and decided to dedicate a corner of the garden as a memorial to her and other family members who have passed. I headed over to my local home center for some bedding plants and an arbor and created the beginnings of my memorial garden.

In the middle of all this, the backyard has been hosting the contents of our old steel shed. The shed had to be moved from its corner in order to replace the fence so everything inside had to be removed. Since the shed needed to be replaced, there was no sense in putting everything back again only to repeat the whole process once the new shed arrived. The replacement shed was installed last week but can not be populated until it is painted and moved into its final position. In the meantime my backyard is sporting old garden hoses, a camping porta-potty, rusty tool boxes, garden tools, snow shovels and all manner of detritus. In spite of the rag tag look of it all, I love the mess because it is a sign of change. Change is messy. Change is uncomfortable and change can be very inconvenient but it is a necessary part of renewal. Although my eyes see the mess every day, I focus on the image of the end result contained inside my head and look forward to the day my family and I can enjoy a meal in our beautifully finished backyard.

Yet another project will take place indoors. The wooden floor in my daughter's room, which has been hidden under vinyl flooring for the past 18 years, is going to be refinished for the first time since my husband and I bought the house. We delivered her to summer camp yesterday so she is out of the house during this project. As a bonus, I've been given a wonderful Moroccan rug with braided fringe by my sister and brother-in-law that I'm going to place on the newly refinished floor. She's been in this room since before kindergarten and this is the first major change being made in all these years. Of course, refinishing a floor means taking out all the furniture, then replacing it after the job is complete. Although the room is small, this is no small task. It's just one more thing on my list of Things To Do.

Eventually one of two things will happen. Either all the work will get done and I'll be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor or time will run out, the new school year will begin and the weather will become too cold for outdoor projects. Until then I will toil, a little each day, nibbling away at the massive amount of work that is yet to be done. An old joke asks, "How do you eat an elephant?". The answer..."One bite at a time".

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

What I've learned at weddings

2008-07-07T00:45:00.004-04:00

This past weekend I had the happy occasion to attend the wedding of the young man who was my former assistant. He is a brilliant, motivated, capable and dynamic young man and in spite of the generation gap between us we have become fast friends. I call him my "son from another mother" and I wouldn't have missed his wedding for the world. As always, when I attend a wedding, I think back to all the other weddings I have attended, most especially my own. A hundred thoughts race through my head when I hear the familar words declared by the officiate, "to have and to hold... better or worse ...sickness ...health", followed by the final pronouncement, "husband and wife".

I invariably choke up and fight back tears. In years past, they were tears of regret for the unhappiness I was experiencing in my own marriage. The thought of someone else walking into that tender trap was sorrowful to me. I fought back tears of sadness at the realization that all the promises and romance of early marriage lose their luster all too soon in the harsh environment of day-to-day reality. I struggled to keep up the appearance that all was reasonably well in my world, all the while feeling like a hypocrite for doing so.

This wedding was different. At this celebration, I relived the magic moments of my own wedding. At certain points during the ceremony my husband and I exchanged knowing glances and furtive smiles. Our children were seated between us as living testimony to our years together. It would seem that somewhere during the last few years, I began shedding the mantle of marital martyrdom and realized that the struggles, the disappointment, the arguments, the pain are all part and parcel of the covenant known as marriage. They are as much a part of it as are the joys, the laughter, the excitement, the "firsts' in our lives together. Apparently after all these years I have finally grown up. Aaah, so this is what it feels like.

So what have I learned at weddings? That life is a endless circle, just as signified by those bands of gold, and that if we're patient...very, very patient...things manage to come around again to a place of reconciliation and, in the best of scenarios, redemption. I've learned that no matter how dysfunctional a family is, there is magic, strength and love in those ties that bind, however warped they may appear to be. I've learned you're never too old to dream, to hope or to love.

And there's one more thing I learned. If you look, really look, into the faces of two people who truly love each other, you will find heaven.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Glad to be back home.

2008-05-17T00:50:00.006-04:00

My family and I returned from a one week trip to Cancun, Mexico taken during the third week in April. The weather was beautiful and the natives very friendly but I am glad to be back at home. The return trip was fraught with a multitude of occurrences that seemed designed to sabotage our efforts to re-enter the United States. It began when my husband locked the keys to our rental car in the trunk as we were leaving the hotel for the airport. The tickets issued on the first leg of our connecting flights were incorrect but we didn't notice it until we tried to make the connection in Mexico City. It took five hours and untold miles of walking through the airport from pillar to post trying to get the inaccuracies resolved. If not for the superhuman efforts of two airline customer service agents (on two different airlines, no less), we might still be in Mexico. We were tired, hungry, annoyed and frustrated but we finally made it back home.

I won't mention that much of this could have been avoided if my husband had only listened to me weeks before the trip when I mentioned an anomaly on the confirmation documents. Nor will I mention that we could have cut down on the foot mileage if my husband had followed my advice and spoken to an agent immediately upon arriving in Mexico City Airport. I will mention that, through it all, I managed to maintain a relatively cool composure while my husband was stressing, agonizing and generally busting a gut. I was resolved not to lose my head, no matter what the circumstances. Having a large supply of Twizzlers helped keep my kids and me from going totally crazy. Ah, the comforts of junk food.

For me, this is a major achievement on two fronts. One: I am consciously keeping my baser emotions at bay, thereby minimizing the effects of negative energy and, two: my kids saw how negative energy can bring about negative circumstances. All they had to do was observe their father's behavior. The more he tried to control everything and everyone, the more things spiraled out of control. The more frustrated and angry he was, the worst things became. This impromptu demonstration was more effective than any amount of lecturing I could have ever done.

All that aside, the trip to Mexico was a relatively pleasant diversion but I was happy to return home to see my garden in bloom. It was the best homecoming welcome I could ever receive. Spring has fulfilled her promise yet again and this year's floral display is expected to be as glorious as ever. Bring it on.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Fulfilling the Vision and Feeling the Rush

2008-04-15T01:10:00.006-04:00

I am a firm believer in the maxim, "Things happen for a reason". I also believe that when you set firm goals in your mind and consistently work towards them, circumstances tend to accomodate you and opportunities present themselves. It is up to us to decide whether or not to avail ourselves of these opportunities when they occur. The choices we make determine our path. These beliefs are the result of my personal experience. For me, these are universal principles, not just dogma.

At the beginning of this year, I created a vision board on which I placed three stated goals that I wished to accomplish before the end of the year. One of those goals was to return to the stage. My performance days were severely sidelined due to my sudden hearing loss and I sorely missed being in front of an audience. I particularly missed bomba, the Afro-Puerto Rican drum-dance genre that is not only a wonderful form of entertainment, it is a celebration of our culture and identity. So when I received an email announcing a series of bomba workshops, I jumped on it. At the time I did not know that one of the requirements would be for the students to participate in two performances.

I'm going to skip straight to the juicy parts so as not to make this entry too long. I was one of three people who sang lead for the first performance which took place on Friday, April 11, 2008. This was odd in and of itself because I am taking the dance and percussion workshops, not the vocal workshops. As if that wasn't unusual enough, I was the only one of the three who sang original material. Yep, that's right. I sang a song I wrote myself. The musical director added some interesting rhythmic breaks which made the number more intricate and interesting. My number was the finale piece and the crowd loved it. One of the elder women in the audience made a point of congratulating me on the short bit of dancing that I managed to squeeze in during the show, telling me that I knew how to dance bomba de verdad, real bomba. What a rush! I have been blessed to not only fulfill one of the goals on my vision board but I did so in a way that far exceeded anything I ever imagined.

Getting back to my original statement about things happening for a reason and setting firms goals. I was seeking an opportunity to return to bomba in some capacity when I received the email about the workshops. I made the choice to enroll in the workshops and therein came the opportunity to perform. But there's more. I was able to make progress in fulfilling one of my unstated goals...that of improving my marital and family relationships.

My husband and children came to the performance with me. Our family outings are more often marked with bickering and in-fighting. This time, although it began a little tensely, by the time we left everyone was in a good mood, especially my husband who spent the whole night cracking wise. It was a rare moment of fun family togetherness.

My fellow students and I are scheduled for another performance in the middle of June. I don't expect to sing again but I'm okay with that. I've already had my 15 minutes of singing fame. Whatever the case, I can't wait to see what the future has in store for me.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Going with the Flow

2008-03-27T01:38:00.004-04:00

For many years I was a professional bellydancer and enjoyed the disctinction of being one of the better dancers in New York City and having my own following. It was my passion, my joy, and although I am no longer performing in that genre, I still wiggle around at home, reliving my glory days during the 1980's when Middle Eastern dancing was still a big draw in many NYC nightclubs.

I learned many lessons from bellydancing that, ironically enough, had nothing to do with dancing and everything to do with life, specifically that of moving with the energy, or, in other words, going with the flow. Take veil work, for example. A dancer has to flip, toss and otherwise manipulate 2 - 3 yards of diaphanous fabric around as she's dancing without tangling herself in the process. I learned that it is best to learn the properties of the veil (such as how well it moves and floats) and work with the veil to achieve your goal. If it floats like a feather, capitalize on that and keep it in the air. If it sinks like a rock, then twirl it around in various ways. If, as sometimes occurs, the veil does not behave as you want it to, change in response to its moods. The dancer sets the veil in motion but the veil dictates how it will behave. It is up to the dancer to work with it so what the audience sees is harmonious movement.

Snake work in particular requires that you move with the flow of energy, which in this case is the snake. There is no way to choreograph a boa constrictor. It moves as it will and sometimes will do unexpected things. The only way to successfully dance with a live snake is to let the snake do what it will and move with the snake, gently manipulating, nudging and moving it so it doesn't wrap itself around any limbs in such a way as to constrict blood flow. The dancer must convince the audience that she controls the snake when in fact the snake is in charge. True, she can manipulate it to a certain degree but there are those times when the snake will not do what is wanted. At those times, the dancer must be able to surrender to the snake's nature in order to achieve her goal of entertaining her audience.

All of the above requires a mastery of the dance form that does not require conscious thought. A dancer must have an extensive enough dance vocabulary so that she can react to unexpected changes instantly and organically. When an extensive vocabulary has been practiced and internalized to the point that the movements are natural and second nature, it is then that true mastery begins. I have seen all too many dancers who are obviously thinking about their steps as they do them, picking and choosing from their limited dance vocabulary. Their dancing lacks in fluidity, much like a person learning to speak in a foreign language or a person learning to drive a car, thinking about every move they make.

All matter is composed of energy, even those things considered inanimate. These days I tend to see things from a perspective of the flow of its energy and how to move with it in order to best achieve my purpose. Bellydancing has proven to be a metaphor for negotiating this energy. Who knew? It has prepared me to master the art of going with the flow.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Right, Wrong, and Truth

2008-03-26T23:56:00.005-04:00

It never fails. When I spend time in my garden, my mind wanders and invariably leads me to an insight which I was incapable of arriving at when in conscious thought. Today's rumination led me to consider the issues of right, wrong and truth.

As anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows, conflicts arise. Each party is totally convinced of the righteousness of their position and equally convinced of the wrongness of the other party's side. I've been married for 21 years and it seems that for most of those years I have been engaged in an ongoing battle with my husband over one thing or another. This divisiveness has systematically eroded the foundation of our once-strong love to the point where divorce has been the topic of discussion more than once. In recent years we have become all but strangers living in the same house, ostensibly for the purpose of raising our children but really because moving to separate was more than either of us was willing to endure.

The truth is that I married am emotionally non-demonstrative man who wants to be appreciated and who will not make any romantic overtures if he believes there is even a hint of possible rejection. He's also a control freak. The truth is that I am a extremely affectionate, demonstrative, strong-willed woman who has outrightly rejected my husband on numerous occasions out of anger, spite and downright maliciousness because he pissed me off. I'm also a control freak. This is a recipe for disaster.

A wise woman once told me you can choose to be right or you can choose to be happy. I didn't know what she meant. She asked me if it was more important for me to be right or to be happy, explaining that whatever I chose would result in the truth of my situation. Truth is the result of action. It knows not from right or wrong. If you want the truth of your situation to be one of happiness, then you must take actions that will lead you to that result.

As simple as that logic is, I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I thought and thought and intellectualized it to death with no success. Then I picked up a rake. In that quiet time during which I tend to my garden, the wisdom in her words finally penetrated. It was one of those "AHA!" moments. I knew what I had to do. If I want to be happy, I have to behave in a manner that makes him feel comfortable enough to let his guard down. I have to be willing to let go of the pain of the past and my need to be right in favor of a happier future. If we are to weather this marital storm, I have to take a lesson from palm trees and bend in the wind. This will be a lengthy process. After all, it took 21 years to create the disconnect in our relationship. It can't be mended overnight.

Tonight, when my husband came home, he was obviously tired from working on a demanding project at his office. I acknowledged his fatigue, poured him a glass of wine and, after dinner, sat with him to watch a movie. During the movie (which featured lots of salsa music), I got him off the sofa for a dance, something we used to enjoy during our courtship. After the movie, I gave him a little peck on the lips before I left the room. I've been making little overtures like this for a couple of weeks now and I can definitely see the ice melting. Baby steps.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

It's Official...

2008-03-06T13:33:00.003-05:00

When it comes to determining the beginning of the spring season, I never look at my calendar. I look at my garden. After all, a calendar is nothing more than a man-made construct created to frame a natural sequence of events. Assessing what is taking place in the natural world is a much better indicator of seasonal changes than the date. So today, when I entered my backyard to "feed" my compost bin, I was greeted by warmth, sunshine and an explosion of new growth all over the garden. The daffodils and tulips are quickly pushing themselves up through the thick layer of leaves that have mulched and protected them through the winter cold. Tiny crocuses dot my front garden and, in my shed which acts as a surrogate greenhouse, my winter hardy pansies are in fragrant full bloom. Essentially, Mother Nature has given me my marching orders. This weekend I begin pulling back the mulch, cleaning out the garden and amassing plant pots and containers to replace those that have outlived their usefulness. Spring has officially arrived and begs to be welcomed in grand style.

This gardening season promises to be abundant and fruitful. Starting now, I'm preparing to enjoy it to the fullest. As is my custom, I will be posting photos of my garden as it progresses during the seasons. Check out my Photobucket to see past photos and get an idea what to expect later this year.

And make sure to stop once in a while and smell the flowers.

Namaste.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Timing, Rhythm and Golden Moments

2008-02-28T23:06:00.005-05:00

Life can be hectic and in the rush to finish one task to begin the next, one can miss the beauty to be found in slowing down. When you slow down, I mean really slow down, from the inside out, you begin to notice the invisible aspects of life. If you're paying attention, you begin to notice that many of those invisible aspects are lurking right inside of you just waiting for you to take notice. I've been doing a lot that lately, slowing down and paying attention, and without fail something mystical occurs. It is as if time and space move to accommodate my needs. Occurrences that I use to attribute to good fortune or a happy coincidence are really a reflection of my consciousness, as if my inner energy is manipulating the outer world.

Take, for example, a round of small errands (replace a battery, pick up this, drop off that, etc.) that I had to complete recently. Because of the heavily trafficked areas I had to drive through, they could have potentially taken a relatively long time and I knew that street parking would be an impossible nightmare. Regardless, I got into my car and drove on, mindful of my tasks but focusing instead on the rhythm of traffic, the green of a newly sodded playground, the blue of the sky. As I travelled in this manner, I noticed that in spite of heavy traffic, I seemed to be moving effortlessly through the streets. At every stop I made, a parking space was miraculously waiting for me just around the corner. One of these spots had 16 minutes left on the parking meter. This was enough time to walk around the block, descend into a subway station, purchase a new Metrocard, stop at a store to replace a watch battery and return to my car with 10 minutes to spare. Everything I did that day flowed effortlessly as if it was a choreographed dance. It was golden.

True, everyone has moments like these but as I said before, most are chalked up to good luck. But I'm discovering that "good luck" may really be good karma in disguise. More importantly, I realized that the more I slowed down from within, the faster and more smoothly things moved without.

My golden moments are occurring more frequently these days. So slow down, feel the rhythm of life as it moves around you and go with the flow.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and always,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

What a week!

2008-02-17T00:11:00.005-05:00

My life may not always be what I want it to be, but gratefully I am never bored. I'm just too busy. For example, these past week has been one of those that was jammed packed from end to end. I spent last weekend nursing a sick husband, indulging a teenage daughter's need for a trip to buy some bling at the mall, listening to my teenage son's latest adventures as a fraternity pledgee (he has to memorize the Greek alphabet, among other things), and that was just the prelude to this week.

Monday: Late morning I cooked a large meal, enough for two days, because I was scheduled to go to Albany on Tuesday to lobby at the state level for equitable distribution of arts funding for cultural organizations of color. Spent the afternoon at a meeting designed to help me with networking skills in preparation to move my home business forward.

Tuesday: I leave midtown Manhattan at 7 AM on a bus filled with others committed to lobbying for more cultural funding. We are briefed on our mission, given instructions, sorted into teams and scattered throughout the NYS Assembly and Capitol buildings, meeting with our local politicians, representatives and members of the Black and Puerto Rican Caucas. It was a scary, exhilarating, enlightening and empowering day. It was also a very LONG day. We returned to NYC at 8:30 PM after nearly four hours on the road driving through heavy snowfall. I didn't make it back to my own home until a little over an hour later.

Wednesday: I spent the whole day in bed sick with a miserable cold that my husband passed on to me. Suffice it to say that Nyquil was my friend for the next 24 hours.

Thursday: Valentine's Day. Feeling rested and energetic after so much sleep, I decided to do some laundry. That was bad move number 1. After two loads I was wiped out again. I put in a third load and lay down for a nap. That was bad move number two. The hose broke on the washer in the middle of a rinse cycle. When I woke up and went down three hours later I was greeted by two inches of water on my basement floor. The ENTIRE basement floor from front to back was underwater. It took five hours, three buckets, two mops and 10 beach towels to finally soak up the mess. During this whole episode, my telephone lines went dead. Thank goodness for cell phones. My husband picked up Boston Market for dinner. That was the extent of my Valentine's Day.

Friday: In the middle of the continuing basement clean up, I receive a call from my mother to tell me that my nephew, who lives in Switzerland with his mother, was at her house and would only be there for a very short while before having to leave again. In what amounted to a minor miracle, I managed to contact my two children who were travelling home from opposite directions, re-route one to my mother's house, intercept the other one en route and land at my mother's house in less than half an hour. (Again, thank goodness for cell phones.) After a short visit with my nephew, my brother and my folks, it was back home to cook a belated Valentine's dinner and continue the clean up.

It is now Saturday. Day Three of drying out the things that got wet in the basement. In spite of how messy things became, I am grateful it wasn't worse. My computer and nearly all of my crafts equipment and supplies were spared. It's still too soon to tell what else may have been damaged but I'm sure it was nothing of great value. I actually took time out to rest and watch some movies with my family. I'm still fighting a cold but that, too, shall pass. All in all, this has been an eventful week.

And guess what? Tomorrow is Sunday. I'll get to spend another week sorting through all sorts of adventures, misadventures and minor crises. Frankly, I really hope I'll be able to do this sort of thing for a long, long time. Like I said at the beginning, my life may not always be what I want it to be, but gratefully I am never bored.

This is my life.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Ear Infection, Take 7... or is it 8?

2008-01-31T23:25:00.000-05:00

Remember that pesky right ear infection that just wouldn't go away? (View previous posts for background info.) Well, after several months I was finally able to get rid of it. Now it has returned... in the other ear! This is my only functional ear. I absolutely can not afford to have anything happen to it. The fact that I lost hearing in my right ear due to an infection does nothing for my peace of mind.

I recently had my annual physical performed which includes blood work. My doctor was reviewing the blood work and was concerned with the level of something-or-another and wants to repeat the blood series at the end of February. He mentioned that my borderline level of something-or-another might be a warning sign of lupus and if the repeat blood work bears out his suspicion, he will refer me to a neurologist. He said it may be the link to all the things that are going on with me.

I was just told this a few days ago. Needless to say my mind is racing. I know nothing about lupus (but you can bet I'm going to find out), but just the thought of it has me worried. I haven't mentioned anything to my family so as not to alarm them prematurely.

I'm hoping that this is all an anomaly that will blow over in due time and I'll just be a little bruised and banged up when it's all over but none the worse for wear. In the meantime I'm keeping fingers crossed.

This all comes on the heels of my taking a step towards fulfilling one of my resolutions for this year...returning to dance classes. I had just begun a tap aerobics class with a wonderful teacher in Manhattan and was looking forward to developing my rhythm again. Now I'm taking another leave of absence from school so I can concentrate on my health. I'm so damned tired of this never-ending treadmill.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

With Fingers Crossed and Eyes Straight Ahead

2007-12-20T00:30:00.001-05:00

At the risk of speaking too soon, I think I may be over the health hump and finally on the mend. The ear infection that has vexed me for some time appears to have withdrawn. My other health issues have remained very quiet and I pray nothing happens to change that.

The biggest sacrifice I have had to make during this medical odyssey has been my academic work. I should have been much further along in my studies than I am but it couldn't be avoided. My crafting has also gone by the wayside and I feel bereft without the excitement of creating something new and beautiful.

With a healthier outlook on my life, I am looking forward to a productive new year. I have already taken steps to re-establish myself in New York bomba circle and am planning to return to dance classes in an effort to tone up, increase my stamina and endurance, and perhaps lose some weight in the bargain. I am also looking forward to crafting again. I want to spend more time this year doing the things that bring me joy. In retrospect, the happiest times of my life were those during which I concentrated on doing what I loved. It's been a long time since I've felt that good and this year I want to take some steps in that direction. I want to feel alive again.

Here's to 2008. Bring it on.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Will somebody PLEASE give me a break

2007-12-03T00:15:00.000-05:00

After nearly three months of non-stop health issues, I thought I was finally on the mend by Thanksgiving when my doctor gave me the all clear on a nasty infection that had vexed my right ear for a couple of weeks. I had finally begun some preliminary research on my thesis and had attended some social events that put me in direct contact with people associated with my area of interest (Puerto Rican bomba, if you're curious). I was making some (very slow) progress towards creating my thesis proposal for presentation to my advisor. Things seemed to be going well and I thought I was finally going to get my life back on track.

FAT CHANCE. Not one week after I stopped taking the medication for my ear, the infection resurfaced, oozing all manner of pestilence and announcing its presence with a most painful throbbing. Now I'm alternating between two different medications for my ear in the hope that something will work. Enough already! Between doctor visits, housework and family issues, my schoolwork is constantly being placed on the back burner. This time I'm determined to finish this proposal and move forward with my thesis. Otherwise I could still be in school when I'm ready to retire. No way I'm gonna let that happen.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and All Ways,
Gitana, the Creative Diva

When will it end...?

2007-10-27T22:12:00.000-04:00

My last entry concerned my lingering medical issues and an unfortunate experience with a severe allergy to a medication I had been prescribed. Thankfully I can report that the treatment to counteract the allergic reaction was successful and I am back to normal on several fronts. Unfortunately I'm still not in the pink. My system has been thrown so out of balance that I've had trouble sleeping and am listless. Further, the rainy weather triggers my dysequilibrium so I'm not only feeling crappy, I'm off balance as well. I'm really sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's a depressing state of affairs.

On a brighter note, my son reached a milestone this week when he celebrated his 18th birthday. During the week, I cooked a very special dinner, made apple empanadas (with homegrown apples, of course) and baked a chocolate cake. We also went out to a nice dinner one night at one of our favorite Italian restaurants.

You think your worries are over once your kids reach the age of maturity. That may have been true a generation ago but not so today, at least not in NYC. Life here has become so expensive and competitive that young people can't become independent as easily nowadays. In many cases, their medical insurance converage ends when they turn 18 or 19. Getting a job is harder than it ever was. Kids nowadays can't afford to move out if they want to live in New York. That means they stay at home, continue living pretty much as they always have, but they do it at a much larger scale. I love my kids but quite frankly I look forward to the day that they grow up and leave. Looks like that day is still a long way off, especially since I've still got a child in high school.

In my rich fantasy life, I am an empty-nester, living (finally) in a tidy, well-kept home, tending to my garden, enjoying my crafts and free to get away for a weekend at a moment's notice. In my real life, I'm just a sick and tired woman who is still raising kids for the next umpteen years.

Life just ain't fair.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

I can't make this stuff up...

2007-10-20T12:18:00.000-04:00

For two months now, I have been suffering from a laundry list of ills that is becomming more bizarre by the moment. I will try to describe this in as few words as possible.

At the beginning of September, I discovered what I believed to be an abcess on my upper left gum. This diagnosis was confirmed several days later by a dentist who said the problem had to be dealt with by an oral surgeon. In the interim he prescribed an antibiotic to help treat the infection. I made an appointment with the oral surgeon for the following week. The day before the appointment I received a call from the surgeon's office to inform me that the appointment had to be pushed back because of a death in the surgeon's family. I was prescribed more antibiotics to carry me until the following week.

When I finally saw the surgeon, he lanced and drained the abcess and advised me that he would have to perform surgery to get to the root of the problem (literally) and advised another round of antibiotics. The following week, he performed surgery, ordered me to return in a week's time for a follow-up and gave me more antibiotics to prevent re-infection of the surgical site.

If you've been keeping track, this makes four weeks of continual antibiotic use, more than anyone should have to endure. This extended use of drugs created an imbalance in my digestive tract by killing all the beneficial fauna in my intestines, causing chronic diarrhea, intermittent fever and nausea. Here's where it becomes really interesting.

After nearly two weeks of non-stop diarrhea, I saw my private doctor who prescribed a drug to counteract the effects of the antibiotic and restore balance to my system. After taking it for two days, I developed an allergic reaction to the medicine in the form of intense itching, scratching and large blistery hives appearing all over my body. It turns out that I am a member of a very very small group of people who are allergic to this medication (vancomycin, in case you're interested).

Allergic reactions to orally administered vancomycin are very rare, very severe and commonly known as Red Man Syndrome because the skin turns bright red as if it were sunburned. Neither my doctor nor my pharmacist had ever encountered such a case, although they had both heard of it. My doctor said my reaction is so rare, she could write my case up for presentation to the medical community.

Right now I look as if I was attacked by a hive of bees. My eyelids are nearly swollen shut and the blisters across my body are frightful. Thankfully the condition is not permanent, is easily treatable and doesn't leave any lingering ill effects. I have been in constant contact with my doctor who is monitoring me closely. I'm taking Benadryl to counteract the intense itching and redness and have been prescribed a mild steroid to deal with the skin eruptions.

As of this moment, I am truly too grotesque to be seen by others. No, I am not exaggerating here. My son saw me early this morning and the look on his face was one of utter fright. My husband can not believe what he sees. As if my own medical woes aren't enough, during this same two month period, I have had to deal with health issues concerning both my mother and my daughter. Thankfully they have both recovered from their respective issues.

I can only hope that when my particular concerns are resolved, it will be the end of my travails and that I will have no further medical issues in the near future. Keeping fingers and toes crossed here.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
Gitana, the Creative Diva

Eventful

2007-10-07T17:29:00.000-04:00

Long and eventful is the only way to describe the day I have had today. I don't think there is any way to relate the tale other than to just launch into it.

I awoke after spending three days and nights nursing a low grade fever and an annoying case of diarrhea. I say annoying because it was not in any way debilitating but it kept me tied to the bathroom at least 20 minutes out of every hour. It didn't affect my appetite, just my bowels. I checked my email (between bathroom breaks) and while doing some online research for my thesis I discovered that some friends of mine had made it to the hallowed halls of YouTube and were featured dancing and drumming at the 2nd BiAnnual Bomba Research Conference in Chicago that took place Labor Day weekend. I had wanted to go but couldn't afford it and now I'm envious. Well, at least I've got some suitable candidates for my research interviews.

As if I have nothing else to do, I decided to create another blog. As I have mentioned in previous postings, I am an artistic creature whose creativity takes many different forms. I am currently designing specialty note cards and greeting cards and have successfully completed my first custom order. My new blog, called The Creative Diva, will be dedicated to my artistic endeavors and the creative process. As soon as I have it more fleshed out, I will provide a link on this page for easy access.

Later in the day, my gastric distress had abated somewhat so I spent the afternoon in the backyard with my husband picking apples. He was unusually industrious today (a fact that he will surely not let me forget until this time next year), and he decided he wanted to tackle our huge apple tree and bring down some of the beauties growing in the upper branches. This adventure ended with one pair of shorts split down the back seam (his) and one crate full of over 120 apples weighing just over 50 pounds. I don't have to tell you that I immediately started peeling apples for a pie and calling family and friends to come and take some. Between peeling apples, cooking dinner and stewing beans for future meals, I spent 5 hours in the kitchen, darting back and forth from the television during commercial breaks once my Sunday night lineup began. Those of you who watch Sunday night TV know what I mean.

Then came the capstone. My husband, who for some reason forgot he had had dinner, made a comment about wanting to eat. I immediately countered by telling him to put on his shoes and take a walk with me. (For those of you unfamiliar with this scenario, read my August posting entitled "Of Ice Cream and Summer Walks".) After an initial reaction of horror, he decided ice cream might not be a bad idea after all so we all decided to hit our local "Taste the Tropics", an ice cream parlor that serves all manner of creamy delights in authentic tropical flavors. As the hour was late, we abandoned the television and bolted for the car in the hope of catching the place while it was still open. As we rolled up to the store, an employee was locking the door from the inside but the inner lights were still on. We honked the horn to get his attention and I made pleading gestures from my window. The employee rolled his eyes and signalled us to enter. We cheered, piled out of the car and into the store, as gleeful as kids scoring forbidden treasure. This entire chain of events, from concept to storefront, took only 10 minutes. Amazing how motivating a sweet treat can be.

Later, as we slowly drove home contentedly licking our confections, I couldn't help thinking how happy we all felt and how this one simple, spontaneous act of caprice will probably be something we would remember fondly for many, many years. It was a great ending to a pretty darned good day, gastric issues notwithstanding.

Like I said once before, sometimes ya just gotta MAKE your moments.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Cause for Concern

2007-09-28T15:08:00.000-04:00

I admit it...I'm somewhat spoiled when it comes to the health of my children. Outside of the usual childhood ailments and occassional bouts of winter-induced asthma, my kids are as healthy as can be. Having suffered most of my childhood from one ailment or another (some serious), I was always concerned that my progeny would inherit the weaknesses of my youth. This is not the case, so as I said, where their health is concerned, I've been somewhat spoiled.

My idyll was shattered this week when my youngest, who had complained of a mild sore throat for some time, called from school to say her throat was very sore and her ear hurt when she swallowed. A throat culture at the doctor's office the next day came back negative for strep. A diagnosis was offered that the sore throat was probably brought on by seasonal allergies, with medications for same duly prescribed.

Here's where it gets ugly. Not only did my daughter not respond to the medication, her condition dramatically worsened in the next 12 hours. Her throat was raw and every swallow brought a stab of pain that brought tears to her eyes. She couldn't talk, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep from the pain. All she could do was roll herself into a ball and whimper like a frightened pup. Nothing unglues a parent like watching helplessly as their children suffer. Having basked luxuriously in the glow of healthy children for 27 years, this came as a nasty shock and I was frantic.

Another round of telephone calls had me running to a lab for a series of blood work. The preliminary results came back within a matter of hours, indicating an elevated white blood cell count, indicative of infection. Another prescription for an antibiotic to address this new information. Several more hours of watching helplessly as my child writhed and cried out in pain, hoping and praying that, this time, the medication would work.

Nothing commands your all-consuming focus like bringing your child through a rough illness. Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is as important as that child's comfort and well-being. I went nowhere, I spoke to no one, I did no housework, no school work, nothing but dispense medication, record body temperature, monitor any improvements in her condition and sit by my child to comfort her. This is what she needed. This is what she wanted. This is what she got. End of story - no questions asked. As we say in Spanish, punto y fin.

Thankfully, she turned a corner within 24 hours of taking the antibiotic and was feeling well enough to eat, something she hadn't done for most of the previous 48 hours because of the intense pain in her throat and ear. She now appears to be heading for a new Guiness Record in the eating binge category. I never thought I would be grateful to hear her squabbling with her brother over rights to the television remote control or watch her playing on the computer. It's those little things that say life is back to normal.

Of the blessings I've been granted in this life, healthy kids tops the list. This reality check did not go unnoticed. Thank you, God. I hear you loud and clear.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Mission Accomplished

2007-09-19T22:59:00.000-04:00

In an earlier post, I talked about my excitement over having landed my first custom order client for my nascent handmade greeting cards business. Let's call that the honeymoon phase. Everyone knows what comes after the honeymoon...real life. Having been paid in full, I now had to deliver the goods. Simple, I thought, until I actually sat down to do it. That's when real life reared its head. Why is it that things take so much longer to do than you think they will? And why is it that the materials that were once so plentiful seem to mysteriously dry up at the most inopportune moment? And why...oh yeah, I forgot about Murphy's Law. Who the heck is Murphy and who made him a legislator anyway?

When I entered the world of small business, I found out the hard way that stuff happens precisely when you don't want it to and you have no choice but to figure it out on the fly. I discovered that my particular shade of gold cardstock was nowhere to be found but in a small variety package with several other colors. In order to purchase enough to complete the project, I would have to buy six or seven packages. And to top it off, the client wanted matching envelopes. But wait... I found a supplier with a million colors of cardstock who is sure to have my shade of gold and there's a two day turnaround time on orders. Great...except the catalog with the color chips from which I must order takes nearly two weeks to arrive. And NO, they DON'T have matching envelopes. Then the printer runs out of ink in the middle of running the graphic motif for the order. And I couldn't find a supplier for the gold-edged paper I use inside the cards...and on and on. What began as a pleasant diversion turned into an onerous task.

Among the changes I had to make in order to complete the order were: choose a similar color cardstock with matching envelopes, develop a relationship with a printer to cut and score cardstock for me to free me from doing it by hand, juggle print cartridges between two printers until replacements arrived, and cut paper and apply gold leaf paint to the edges by hand. Now add to this scenario "drop everything at a moment's notice to deal with family issues" and you get an idea of the juggling act I had to pull. Oh yeah, did I mention I'm also a graduate student?

In spite of the hurdles, I successfully completed and delivered my first order a few days ago and it was a great feeling. I learned a lot in the process and realize I still have much to learn. If nothing else, I learned that when the next set of hurdles comes my way, I'd better have my track shoes on because I plan to stay in this race.

Here's a picture of the final card.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

The First Signs of Autumn

2007-09-04T23:03:00.000-04:00

Labor Day weekend was remarkable for two reasons: 1) It was quiet. My usually festive and very LOUD Caribbean neighbors were NOT having a party or a barbecue so there was none of the requisite soca, reggae and house music blasting at triple digit decibel levels, and 2) I picked the first apples of the season from my tree. This crop ripened a little earlier than in previous years and a bountiful crop it is.

My apples are organic. While in some circles that means wholesome, natural and without chemical pesticides, in my backyard, more often than not, that translates into insect-ridden and bird-pecked. The tree is just too darned big to be effectively sprayed against insect pests. As for the birds, you can see from my photos that I have a healthy parrot population enjoying the literal fruits of my labor. Between the bugs and the birds, I lose more apples than I'm able to harvest. Nevertheless I love my apple tree.

In spite of the rather large losses I incur every apple season, I manage to save enough to merit a decent pie or two and more than a few apple empanadas (apples in a dough crust, deep-fried, glazed, then dusted with confectioner's sugar. YUM!). This year's batch even yielded some that were good enough to eat out of hand. Although I wait patiently all summer for this moment to arrive, I greet it with a melancholy grin and a small sigh of resignation. Ripe apples are the harbingers of autumn and are as sure a sign of summer's end as the waning daylight. It's downhill to the holidays from here, which seem to come earlier and earlier each year, thanks to guerilla marketing tactics.

I can't stop the relentless march of the seasons but facing it becomes a whole lot easier with a slice of hot apple pie.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana

Swimming in a Bigger Pond

2007-08-31T00:49:00.000-04:00

My son would probably feel quite at home among Peter Pan's Lost Boys, playing games all day and never growing up. He graduated from high school in June and, not wanting to leave the nest, had applied to and been accepted into a local college. As the summer waned and the day of registration grew ever closer, he whined, "I don't want to go to college. I want to go back to high school", in a comical voice that only thinly veiled his very real fear of venturing beyond the sheltered world in which he had been nurtured. When it became obvious that, like it or not, he was going to have to step out of his comfort zone, his fear manifested itself as all manner of disagreeable behavior. He becomes quite obnoxious when faced with something he doesn't know and can't control. No attempts to convince him that he would manage just fine sufficed.

After dinner on the evening of my son's first day in college, my husband took out a bottle of champagne and offered a toast to his success. Fast forward to today. My son has met all his professors, purchased his books and gotten more than his feet wet. He's been given homework assignments and is becoming familiar with the anomaly known as academic scheduling. More importantly, he has begun to notice the subtle and not-so-subtle differences between high school and college and seems to be enjoying the experience, for which I am eternally grateful.

Today marks the end of my son's first week in college and I celebrate it as a battle won. I look forward to the bottle of champagne we will open on the day he graduates. In the meantime, I will quietly celebrate the victory of successfully launching my child into college in spite of his resistance and inwardly bemoan the loss of my little boy to the man he is fast becoming.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana

Woo Hoo!!

2007-08-20T16:25:00.000-04:00

For several months now, I've been creating handmade note cards for the purpose of channeling my artistic talents and making a few bucks on the side. Some weeks ago, I was asked by my accountant if I would design an invitation for her annual client appreciation event taking place in December. After weeks of designing, redesigning, tweaking and angst, I finally presented her with two totally different invitations, knowing that one was sure to strike her fancy. The short story: she was thrilled by one of the designs and I have made my first sale. I have been paid in full and now it is on to the production stage. With fingers and toes crossed, I press on.

You can see the chosen card above. Go to my Photobucket to see more of my greeting card work. Use the link at the top of the right hand column.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana

Of Ice Cream and Summer Walks

2007-08-18T16:36:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine recently emailed me one of those messages intended to be forwarded to everyone you care about. I usually read and delete these emails because I frankly can't be bothered forwarding the multitude of emails of this nature that I receive. This message, however, struck a chord with me. For the sake of brevity, I will only include the first and last paragraphs of the original email. This will be sufficient.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift...Thrown away.... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

How appropriate. I do make the time to enjoy life whenever possible. Life, however, doesn't always want to cooperate.

Take the other night for example. My husband and I were alone in the house and I told him to put on his shoes and walk with me. He looked at me as if I had just stepped off the mother ship from Mars.

"Walk?", he says. "Where to?"
I said, "To Utica Avenue."
"Why?"
"To get some ice cream."
"But we have ice cream in the freezer."
"Then we'll get some italian ices."
"You wanna walk?"
"Yes. You know, walk, as in put one foot in front of the over and move from point A to point B. You walk to the bus every day, don't you?"
"Yeah, but that's only on the corner."
"Then you can use the exercise."
"But I'm constantly climbing up and down stairs at work and..."

Well, he went on and on, trying to convince me to either stay home and eat ice cream or take the car to Utica Avenue which, by the way, is only about five blocks away from us. I would have none of it. I said I wanted to take a walk on a beautiful summer night with my husband and asked if he had a problem with it. That seemed to shut him up and he grudingly walked with me. You would have thought we were climbing Mt. Fuji the way he was snivelling. Finally, after all that haranguing to convince him to go with me, we get to Ices Queen only to find that the freezers were malfunctioning and all the goods were slushy.

I wouldn't be deterred. We kept on walking until we got to the local bodega and there I bought us some Haagen Dazs ice cream bars. (For those of you who don't know what a bodega is, think of it as a neighborhood grocery store with a spanish accent.) We walked back home, eating ice cream and enjoying the night air in spite of the Universe's attempts to rain on my parade. Sometimes ya just gotta MAKE your moments where you can.

Ballo ergo sum
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana

Mini Garden Update

2007-08-14T19:15:00.000-04:00

In the spring, I posted photos of my apple tree in bloom. Today I photographed the same tree bearing more apples than I have seen in years. There was an added bonus this time...green monk parrots. They come almost every day this time of year to feast on the most delectable fruits found at the top of the tree. I managed to photograph some of them as they nibbled away at my fruit. Visit my Photobucket album to see the pictures. Link is located at the top of the right hand column.

The Zen of Gardening

2007-08-04T21:32:00.000-04:00

Today was one of those days in which I hit the ground running. Seems from the moment I woke up, I started working. What began as a simple intention to water the garden quickly turned into a two hour project in which I pulled weeds, uprooted and transplanted flowers, and generally got pretty dirty pretty quickly. If you've never done yard work, and I'm talking about the kind that requires moving quantities of dirt around, then you really can't appreciate how much energy and muscle that kind of work requires. It's brutal, especially when you're doing it under the summer sun.

In spite of its rigors, I find gardening to be a very rewarding experience. It allows me to think but, more importantly, it allows me NOT to think. It allows me to focus on the task at hand and not think about the many issues of life that must be dealt with. This is my form of meditation. Most people who meditate do so purposefully while in a consciously relaxed state. I, on the other hand, tend to meditate best when I am actively engaged in a creative activity that requires me to focus on details. In doing so, it quiets the mental chatter on the analytical left side of my brain and allows my creative right brain to roam freely.

Take gardening, for example. I must focus as I am digging and tilling so as not to damage my plants, then squat down and meticulously pick out weeds from the freshly tilled soil. While doing this, I notice the pill bugs, the earthworms, the newly formed buds on the flowers, the variety of insects buzzing around and pollinating the mature blooms. I take in all the little details that most people pay no attention to and marvel at their perfect synchronicity to the rhythms of nature. More often than not, while I'm focusing in this manner, something amazing occurs. The resolution to a issue I had been pondering some time before suddenly appears in my head. Never mind that I hadn't been consciously thinking about the issue or that it may be totally unrelated to what I am doing at the time. Suddenly there it is, presented with a totally fresh perspective. These insights occur with great frequency and I am convinced it is not a random phenomenon.

Gardening has other rewards as well. In addition to the beautiful blooms and delicious crops, it requires you to be outdoors where you are in closer proximity to nature's wildlife. If you're lucky, you can witness a brief visit by a beautiful winged traveller as it passes through the area. This morning was such a day and I was twice blessed, seeing a monarch butterfly in my front garden and a black dragonfly in my backyard. In both cases, these beautiful creatures circled around in front of me as if trying to catch my attention before disappearing again. In animal symbolism, the butterfly is a symbol of transformation. The dragonfly brings the vision of ancient knowledge and allows us to see past self-imposed illusions. I see them both as portents of a challenging and bright future.

What to do when you don't know what to do.

2007-07-13T01:05:00.001-04:00

These days it seems that everyone in my family is on edge, angry and in some sort of emotional pain. My 17 year old son is going through his angry young man phase with a vengeance, exhibiting his displeasure at anything that is not to his liking in the most disagreeable ways. My husband has withdrawn himself even more from interacting with the rest of the family, preferring to sit in front of the television set, remote in one hand, beer in the other, expecting the household to run on automatic pilot. My 14 year old daughter, who bears the brunt of her brother's ire, is angry and frustrated and wants nothing more than to hurry through high school so she can escape to college. And I... well, let's say that these days my thoughts have been turning to finding a job and renting a spacious one bedroom apartment. Notice I said ONE bedroom, as in just for me.

I have reached an age when I thought life would be getting a little easier to manage. On the contrary, it has become more difficult. There is no consensus or cooperation on even the most minute of things and I've reached the end of my rope trying to keep it all together. There are no words to describe my feelings of anger, hurt, and frustration. I've had it. I'm through.

So now what?

Surrender.

I had to reach the depths of frustration and despair before I realized there was really nothing I could do to change the members of my family. The only person I have the power to change is myself. All I can do is be who I am and allow them to be who they are. I have to let go and stop trying to control and micromanage every action, and I have to stop allowing their actions to micromanage me. I have to determine what I may be doing to feed into the current situation and then stop feeding it by doing the opposite. I have to relinquish control because, in truth, I have no control. I have only the illusion that I have control.

This is possibly the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I can only hope that my letting go will cause a change in the family dynamic such that it will balance itself out and create a more harmonious energetic flow. I know that this change, like any other change, will not come easily or without resistance. I just have to let go and allow myself to freefall.

I hope there's a net when I reach the bottom.

Serena's Legacy

2007-06-20T08:27:00.000-04:00

Serena Wilson, a grand dame in the world of Middle Eastern dance, passed away Sunday June 17, 2007. (See my earlier post entitled The Irony of Life). Visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhVAiYQvLik to see clips of Serena dancing during her heyday and to read dedications by many of her adoring students.

Ballo ergo sum
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana

The Irony of Life

2007-06-18T22:33:00.000-04:00

It has been many years since I left the world of nightclub entertainment behind, and since then I have not bellydanced for anything other than my own enjoyment. There were several reasons for that, none the least of which was America's disdain for all things Middle Eastern in the wake of 9-11. Also I had grown tired of some of the games people in the business played. Dancing has always been a medium of joyful expression for me and is something I do because I have a passion for it. Dealing with mundane pettiness, ignorance and backstabbing was, to say the least, a buzz kill.

Yet in recent months I have noticed a recurring bellydance theme emerging. In my efforts to rehabilitate after a debilitating condition that severely affected my balance, I began dancing around the house and my music of choice was the Arabic music to which I danced when I was doing the nightclub and private party circuit. I find myself gravitating towards clothing and jewelry that evokes that sensual goddess feeling in me. People have been asking me if I would teach them to bellydance. And I recently reconnected with one of my old dance partners, Layla, after being out of touch with her for years. Apparently my inner gypsi is re-awakening.

My youngest daughter happened to casually ask me last week about my former bellydance teacher, Serena Wilson, (http://serenastudios.com/frame.html) specifically to ask if she was still alive. I found this rather odd because my daughter has never met Serena and knows of her only by the stories I told. I assured her that the day Serena passed, I and the whole bellydance world would hear of it. How ironic is it then that Layla should send me an email to tell me that Serena had collapsed and died without regaining consciousness.

Serena was an iconic figure in the Middle Eastern dance world and made her living as a performer and an educator in this most sensuous of dance forms. She was recognized as an exciting performer with incredible technique and for producing professional dancers who could be readily identified as "Serena dancers" by their skill in execution and their interpretation of the music, trademarks of her technique. She was a savvy business woman who managed to survive all the ups and downs of show business in New York City. And like every successful business person, she made enemies along the way. Yet in spite of her detractors, she remained a strong presence in the world of bellydance, both here in the United States and in Egypt where she had cultivated many friends and business alliances.

I have no doubt that the news of Serena's passing will be heard by every Middle Eastern dancer across the country and that her funeral procession will be one that Serena herself would have liked to have staged... full of color, glitter, sequins and veils. I plan to be there, wearing bugle beads and sequins and paying my respects to the woman who gave me my start in the business and helped release my inner gypsi.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana

The relentless passage of time

2007-06-12T22:36:00.000-04:00

A week ago a milestone was reached in my household when my 17 year old son attended his senior prom. The months of anticipation, preparation and agitation finally came to head when I drove him to the place where the limousine would make the first of several pickups on the way to the banquet hall. Seeing my son in his tailored suit, surrounded by a bevy of beautiful young women, I acutely realized the passage of time. No longer was he the cute, chubby toddler with the devilish eyes and the dimpled chin. Now he is a handsome young man with a nascent beard on his chin, still sporting those beautiful devilish eyes. You can see pictures of him in my Photobucket album. Just click on the link in the box at the top of the right hand column.

His graduation ceremony at the end of June will officially mark his transition out of the ranks of childhood. That countdown began when he stepped into that limousine and said to me, "I'll call you" as the door closed and the car pulled away. Yes, he did call me that night, several times, in fact. When he came home at dawn, tired and grinning, I knew there was no turning back. In a very short time the transformation will be complete.

As a mother, I've always considered it my responsibility and my privilege to try and prepare my children for this transition. I've done my best to teach my kids what they need to know in order to navigate this sometimes scary world in a safe and sane manner without me there to guide them. But there is something in the process that I was not aware of, something that totally blindsided me and caught me off guard. While I was preparing them for life without me, nobody was preparing me for life without them.

I still have one more to go. She will be graduating high school in another three years. Surely I will have prepared myself for the adjustment by then. I can only hope.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana

My Photobucket

2007-05-31T21:35:00.000-04:00

I have created an online photo album at Photobucket.com. There you can see examples of the greeting cards I have created recently, as well as photos of other things that are important to me. I expect to be creating more sub-albums and adding more photos in the future so please bookmark the site and visit from time to time. The link is http://s184.photobucket.com/albums/x174/Gypsiwoman/. Thank you.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
Gitana

Nightmare - Revisited

2007-05-16T09:42:00.000-04:00

My daughter just called me on her way to school. Who should she happen to be on the train with but the young lady whose mother called looking for her a couple of nights ago. I didn't get a lot of details since extracting credible information out of a teenager is a little like trying to get Bush to pull out of the Iraq war, but I did glean a few tidbits.

Essentially this young lady says she got out late from the bookstore and was unable to call home since she had forgotten her cell phone. Furthermore she apparently did not have change to call from a public phone (do those things still exist?). Upon hearing this, I started asking my daughter some questions. She asked if I wanted to speak to the girl myself. I declined, deciding that interrogating this child would be inappropriate of me and was the responsibility of her parents.

I was very upset and annoyed. How flimsy can an excuse get? I don't believe that a) she was at a bookstore that late, b) she accidentally left her phone at home or c) she didn't have change for a phone call. I think d)she was messing around and deliberately didn't want anyone to be able to contact her. When I think of the anguish that her family must have gone through, not knowing the whereabouts or well-being of their child, I become all the more infuriated at her behavior. Yes, I know... I'm projecting my own fears. But that's what we parents do when we don't know what else to do.

The happy ending is that the girl is fine and safely back at home with her family. I am glad for that, at least, but my gladness is tempered by the knowledge of the panic her disappearance caused. Hopefully she got an earful from her mother. Hopefully her mother can see the red flag waving.

Ballo ergo sum,
Gitana

A Parent's Worst Nightmare

2007-05-14T23:40:00.000-04:00

I received a call at 11:00 PM tonight. Everyone who knows me knows I'm one of those people who doesn't like receiving phone calls after 9:30 in the evening so when the phone rings at that late hour, it had better be important. It was. The caller was the mother of one of my daughter's high school classmates and she wanted to speak to my daughter. Every mother knows that if you receive a late night phone call concerning your child's classmate, something is wrong. I let my daughter speak with her in the hope that perhaps she had some information that might prove helpful.

Apparently the young lady had stepped out of the house after returning from school and had not returned. To make matters worse, she had left her cell phone behind so there was no way to reach her. I didn't speak to the mother much myself but I didn't have to. Nothings grips your heart and feeds the worst nightmares you can imagine than not knowing if your child may have come to some harm. I knew exactly what this woman was feeling. I felt it as acutely as if the child had been my own.

The thought crossed my mind, "There but for the grace of God go I". I looked at my child and said a silent thank you that she was safe at home with me, secretly grateful that she was still around to vex me with her teenage attitudes and outrage. Since receiving that phone call, I have been inwardly agonizing over this missing child whom I don't even know, praying that she will return safe and sound. Needless to say there will be two mothers who won't get much sleep tonight; the one who called my home and the one who answered the call.

Ballo ergo sum,
Gitana

In the season of the sun...

2007-05-04T14:40:00.000-04:00

Spring has finally arrived and my garden rejoices in its company. For many years I have been an avid gardener and am proud to say my whole family has reaped the benefits of my labors. In addition to the beautiful perennials that return each year, we have had the pleasure of eating fresh fruit and vegetables right out of the garden. Few things are as fullfiling as eating a freshly picked peach, picking a salad straight from the yard to the dinner table, or inhaling the aroma of an apple pie made with apples picked from my own tree.

This year promises to be a little different. The perennials that have peacefully coexisted for several years have outgrown their boundaries. They have flourished and multiplied to the point where my garden has become the floral corollary of a housing project... too many tenants and not enough room. The irises are encroaching on the Stella D'Oro daylilies, the Rudbeckias (Black-eyed Susans to you) are slowly closing in on the tulips, and the hostas... well, let's just say that in sociological parlance, the hostas would be considered the dominant culture. They are everywhere. Over the years, they have grown from five little fingerlings to over 50 mature plants, the smallest of which is about 30 - 36 inches in diameter when fully opened. My garden looks more like an angry jungle. It is time to thin out the herd.

Getting rid of a plant that you have nurtured from a rootling is something akin to kicking your child out into the world. It's not the easiest thing to do but you know it is in everyone's best interest. I wanted to donate my plants to an organization that would place them where others would be able to view and enjoy their beauty. I am fortunately connected with and live very close to Brooklyn College, known across the country as one of the most beautiful campuses in America, thanks to dedication of its talented ground crew. It takes a lot of time, money and effort to keep that campus looking beautiful and the current budgetary constraints don't make it any easier. A few emails later, the prinicpal park supervisor for the campus, Steve A., came by with a truck and picked up 20 of my over-eager hostas. He already has a spot waiting to receive the plants... none other than the famous Lily Pond, one of the most tranquil, beautiful and most photographed places on the campus. I'm thrilled that my plants will be on view in such a place of honor, just in time for this year's commencement exercises.

In addition, one of my children attends the Green School, a new high school dedicated to environmental studies and ecological sustainability. The school is in the process of upgrading their (for the most part non-existent) landscaping and is in need of hardy perennials. Once again, my garden will come to the rescue, providing irises, daylilies, rudbeckias and, of course, hostas. If I'm in a good mood, I may throw in a few dozen daffodils. I've got over a hundred of them.

In this manner, I am sharing the beauty of my garden with the public at large. I am also giving my garden some much needed breathing room. Once I have thinned out my plants to the point where I can actually see the dirt they are planted in, perhaps I'll put in some new and different varieties. Then, when they outgrow their space, I will start the process all over again and share nature's wealth.

Ballo ergo sum
Always and all ways,
Gitana

Feeding the Creative Beast

2007-04-08T12:52:00.000-04:00

In an earlier post, I told you about FreeCycle and how its members freely give away items they no longer need to others who may have need of them. I can't tell you how many items I have been able to acquire for my children, my parents and myself and the many more that I have been able to give away. This weekend my daughter and I were treated to an unexpected benefit of the generosity of my fellow Freecyclers.

I design greeting cards and gift boxes. I recently posted a request for rubberstamping supplies so I could explore this decorative medium without investing a lot of money up front. In response to my request, I was contacted by a lovely woman named Frances who not only generously offered to give me some supplies, she offered to teach me how to use them. She proposed a "play date" where we would meet, chat and stamp. Apparently she has been an avid stamper for some years now and is experienced in a variety of techniques. She and her sister Toby, another avid stamper, are members of online crafters groups, attend craft shows and regularly get together with others for rubber stamping "play dates". Essentially she had volunteered to become my mentor. The best part was that Frances lives five minutes away from me in the neighborhood where I grew up. How easy can it get?

My teenage daughter and I met Frances and Toby at Frances' house where there was an overwhelming array of crafting and rubber stamping tools, supplies and other paraphernalia as far as the eye could see. A short time later we were joined by another crafting friend, Linda, who brought a stash of her own favorite tools and stamps. From that point on, time flew by. For six hours we talked, we joked and we got to know one another, but most of all we stamped. It was evident that these women genuinely loved what they were doing and were having a ball passing that love on to others. I learned so much in that short time that I will be inspired for months to come. My daughter in particular really enjoyed herself. I know she's well on her way to being hooked on crafting. We all had a great time.

Later in the evening, Frances called me at home. She said, "I just wanted to tell you that you're the best thing I've ever gotten from FreeCycle."

Now I ask you... how great is that?

Ballo ergo sum
Always and All Ways,
- Gitana

MTA NYC Lost and Found (212-712-4500 or 4501)

2007-03-09T17:56:00.000-05:00

I had the misfortune to have lost something on the train this week. It was a set of x-rays - of great value to me but totally useless to anyone else. It was in the process of trying to recover these films that I ran into the MTA chasm they call the Lost and Found. I write this to warn others what to expect if they should have to run that ghastly gauntlet.

The system works like this: Any items that are found on the transit system (both bus and subway) are picked up in a sweep and taken to the central lost and found office where they are logged into a computer database. Because of the sheer size of the system, this process takes up to one week. This means you have to wait seven days before you can make an inquiry about your lost item assuming, of course, that you can get through on the constantly busy telephone. The hours of inquiry are limited: 8 AM to 12 noon on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, 11 AM to 6:30 PM on Thursday. The ever-so-helpful person who answers the phone gives out only as much information as you ask for and not a smidgeon more. No information will be volunteered. When I dared to ask for this individual's name, the chilly reply was, "Clerk #4". That was as friendly as the conversation got.

IF you are fortunate enough that 1) your item was found and returned to an MTA employee, 2) wasn't lost in the system sweep, 3) survived the one week ordeal before arriving at the central location, 4) was logged into the database, and 5) you actually get through on the telephone, you can claim and retrieve your item. At that time you will be given the location of the central office. In theory, at least, that is what should happen. I'll just wait and see how it pans out for me but I don't hold out too much hope.

For those of you who may have need of it, here is the telephone number: 212-712-4500 or -4501. Hours of inquiry are listed in the second paragraph above. If you find yourself in the same gloomy predicament as myself, may you have better luck that I. I am a lady-in-waiting... waiting to inquire about my x-rays. Wish me luck.

- Gitana

One man's trash...

2007-03-05T10:23:00.000-05:00

For anyone who has discovered treasures in the trash or thought it was a shame how people could just throw out perfectly good and useful items, here's a site you may want to check into. Freecycle.com is a not-for-profit site with a unique goal: helping individuals with possessions they no longer want or need find others who have a need for what they have. Essentially, a Freecycler (a member of the Freecycle community) with goods to give posts a description of their items on the site. Members who need those items contact the poster directly through the site's message generator. Similarly, individuals who have need of something post a request to the site and are contacted by members who have that item to offer.

The goal of this undertaking is to reduce landfills by recycling goods for free (hence the name Freecycle) The concept is simple, elegant and, here's the best part, it's all FREE! It is a requirement of membership in Freecycle that no money, goods or services be exchanged. Everything given must be done so with no strings attached.

I have been a member of FreeCycle for about a month. In that time, I have been able to find new homes for my children's old jigsaw puzzles, juvenile wallpaper trim, old computer equipment and cut glass chandelier chimneys. I have received 2 Palm Pilots, a cordless computer keyboard and mouse, a computer game, white laminate shelving complete with hardware, a printer, a load of scrapbooking supplies, a boxed set of yoga video tapes, 9 magazine holders, a box of quilting magazines, a computer power station. All for free, all fully functional. Most were used, some with very minor dings but others were still brand new in their packages. I found that people tended to give accurate descriptions of the goods and my experience included no misrepresentations.

The New York FreeCycle groups are divided by boroughs. The group you are eligible to join is based on your address. The other members of your group are relatively local to you, making it easier to arrange for pickup of goods. This is an unbelievable resource that is available to anyone with a computer. The list of things you can find is incredible and I urge you to take a peek at the site: www.freecycle.com. Happy FreeCycling!