I received very disturbing news today. My mother called to tell me she was taking my father to the emergency room because of chest pains. My dad had an angiogram at the end of July and had a stent placed in one of his arteries. He hasn't been quite the same since, suffering from pains in his upper joints, back, neck and chest. The aspirin regimen he was on for his heart condition caused an ulcer. He's been given so many medications that they were negatively interacting and he felt worse. I could go on.
It seems to me that he has gone from strong and robust to frail and frightened overnight but if I examine my heart of hearts I know the truth. I have chosen not to see time marching across his handsome face. I have chosen not to notice the once herculean physique dwindle and the twinkle in his eyes fade. He always seemed like a big man to me but I realize now that it was because, in my eyes, he was a little larger than life. Now life overshadows him and he seems small by comparison.
Dad's going to have to spend a few days in the hospital undergoing tests to see if his heart problem can be pinpointed and fixed. I strongly suspect that another angiogram is in his future. Who knows what else is in store for him. All I know is that Daddy is old and sick and there's nothing I can do to change it or make him better.
And I'm scared. Very, very scared.
Ballo ergo sum,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva
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