22

Halloween day is my wedding anniversary and this year marks 22 years of marriage for my husband and me. The fact that we have been married this long isn't nearly as impressive as the fact that for the first time in years I actually acknowledged it. I had chosen not to celebrate an anniversary for a long time because I didn't want to put a happy face on what, for me, was a source of misery and constant unhappiness. I would even say as much to friends and family who would call to wish me a happy anniversary, so much so that they stopped calling to offer their congratulations.

This year I decided the time was right to try it again so my husband and I went out to dinner. It was far from an idyllic evening. The restaurant he intended to take me to had closed down. The next two choices had waiting lines out the door. We settled on a steakhouse that had loud music and mediocre bar service. Thankfully the wait time was fairly short and the food was fairly good. In spite of the few shortcomings of the evening, I chose to focus on my husband. Every time I would raise a glass and say "Happy Anniversary", he glowed. Of course he would never openly admit it but he was happy that I was finally acknowledging our anniversary. I think he was secretly happy that I hadn't dumped him as I had threatened to do so many times over the years. (Believe me, if it hadn't been for the kids...well, that's another story.)

This marriage has been a rough row to hoe from the very beginning. If anyone had asked me a few years ago to project its longevity, I would have said it was on life support awaiting the pulling of the plug. I'm not the same person anymore and I have a different perspective on life. Although I don't think this marriage is going to be any less rough, I think I'm better able to deal with the crap. I'm going it for the long haul.

Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva