Halloween day is my wedding anniversary and this year marks 22 years of marriage for my husband and me. The fact that we have been married this long isn't nearly as impressive as the fact that for the first time in years I actually acknowledged it. I had chosen not to celebrate an anniversary for a long time because I didn't want to put a happy face on what, for me, was a source of misery and constant unhappiness. I would even say as much to friends and family who would call to wish me a happy anniversary, so much so that they stopped calling to offer their congratulations.
This year I decided the time was right to try it again so my husband and I went out to dinner. It was far from an idyllic evening. The restaurant he intended to take me to had closed down. The next two choices had waiting lines out the door. We settled on a steakhouse that had loud music and mediocre bar service. Thankfully the wait time was fairly short and the food was fairly good. In spite of the few shortcomings of the evening, I chose to focus on my husband. Every time I would raise a glass and say "Happy Anniversary", he glowed. Of course he would never openly admit it but he was happy that I was finally acknowledging our anniversary. I think he was secretly happy that I hadn't dumped him as I had threatened to do so many times over the years. (Believe me, if it hadn't been for the kids...well, that's another story.)
This marriage has been a rough row to hoe from the very beginning. If anyone had asked me a few years ago to project its longevity, I would have said it was on life support awaiting the pulling of the plug. I'm not the same person anymore and I have a different perspective on life. Although I don't think this marriage is going to be any less rough, I think I'm better able to deal with the crap. I'm going it for the long haul.
Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding. Show all posts
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
What I've learned at weddings
This past weekend I had the happy occasion to attend the wedding of the young man who was my former assistant. He is a brilliant, motivated, capable and dynamic young man and in spite of the generation gap between us we have become fast friends. I call him my "son from another mother" and I wouldn't have missed his wedding for the world. As always, when I attend a wedding, I think back to all the other weddings I have attended, most especially my own. A hundred thoughts race through my head when I hear the familar words declared by the officiate, "to have and to hold... better or worse ...sickness ...health", followed by the final pronouncement, "husband and wife".
I invariably choke up and fight back tears. In years past, they were tears of regret for the unhappiness I was experiencing in my own marriage. The thought of someone else walking into that tender trap was sorrowful to me. I fought back tears of sadness at the realization that all the promises and romance of early marriage lose their luster all too soon in the harsh environment of day-to-day reality. I struggled to keep up the appearance that all was reasonably well in my world, all the while feeling like a hypocrite for doing so.
This wedding was different. At this celebration, I relived the magic moments of my own wedding. At certain points during the ceremony my husband and I exchanged knowing glances and furtive smiles. Our children were seated between us as living testimony to our years together. It would seem that somewhere during the last few years, I began shedding the mantle of marital martyrdom and realized that the struggles, the disappointment, the arguments, the pain are all part and parcel of the covenant known as marriage. They are as much a part of it as are the joys, the laughter, the excitement, the "firsts' in our lives together. Apparently after all these years I have finally grown up. Aaah, so this is what it feels like.
So what have I learned at weddings? That life is a endless circle, just as signified by those bands of gold, and that if we're patient...very, very patient...things manage to come around again to a place of reconciliation and, in the best of scenarios, redemption. I've learned that no matter how dysfunctional a family is, there is magic, strength and love in those ties that bind, however warped they may appear to be. I've learned you're never too old to dream, to hope or to love.
And there's one more thing I learned. If you look, really look, into the faces of two people who truly love each other, you will find heaven.
Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva
I invariably choke up and fight back tears. In years past, they were tears of regret for the unhappiness I was experiencing in my own marriage. The thought of someone else walking into that tender trap was sorrowful to me. I fought back tears of sadness at the realization that all the promises and romance of early marriage lose their luster all too soon in the harsh environment of day-to-day reality. I struggled to keep up the appearance that all was reasonably well in my world, all the while feeling like a hypocrite for doing so.
This wedding was different. At this celebration, I relived the magic moments of my own wedding. At certain points during the ceremony my husband and I exchanged knowing glances and furtive smiles. Our children were seated between us as living testimony to our years together. It would seem that somewhere during the last few years, I began shedding the mantle of marital martyrdom and realized that the struggles, the disappointment, the arguments, the pain are all part and parcel of the covenant known as marriage. They are as much a part of it as are the joys, the laughter, the excitement, the "firsts' in our lives together. Apparently after all these years I have finally grown up. Aaah, so this is what it feels like.
So what have I learned at weddings? That life is a endless circle, just as signified by those bands of gold, and that if we're patient...very, very patient...things manage to come around again to a place of reconciliation and, in the best of scenarios, redemption. I've learned that no matter how dysfunctional a family is, there is magic, strength and love in those ties that bind, however warped they may appear to be. I've learned you're never too old to dream, to hope or to love.
And there's one more thing I learned. If you look, really look, into the faces of two people who truly love each other, you will find heaven.
Ballo ergo sum,
Always and all ways,
- Gitana, the Creative Diva
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